


The Way It Is.

by MisRedLotus



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Sex, F/M, Falling In Love, Love, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Oral Sex, Pain, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rape, Rough Sex, Secrets, Sex, Sexual Tension, Shower Sex, Suffering, Teasing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-07 20:55:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15916068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisRedLotus/pseuds/MisRedLotus
Summary: It took Ada a long time to survive in this fucked up world.And it took meeting Negan to watch it all fall apart.Love is a tricky thing...Especially with him.





	1. Chapter 1

Ada peeked her head out from the house and saw Negan’s group scatter throughout the town. She walked outside onto her porch and watched Rick beside Negan, and he didn’t look comfortable one bit, "Well, are you gonna show me around?" He grinned at Rick with those pearly white. Rick had told enough to her about Negan, what had happened...she felt a little scared, making her way towards the group, wanting to hear them better. Rick walked forward with Negan following, before as he stopped and eyed her.

 

"Well, look what you've got here," he gestured to all of Ada before walking over to her. She wanted to cry at his presence but blinked back the tears as she looked at him, "ain't you a pretty thing." He grinned and grabbed the tip of her chin, his face inches from her, "how'd you like to come back with me and have a little fun? Have a warm bed at night and feel more than you've ever felt before?" his licked his lips, feeling both intimidated and aroused by him.

 

Ada frowned at him and pulled away, feeling as though she had sealed her fate, "as much as I can't resist your charm. I'm afraid it'll take more than a pretty face." 

 

Negan laughed, his white teeth bright against his peppered beard, "then what will it take?" He pointed around at the others, her heart suddenly dropped, "perhaps not losing your pretty face to my lovely Lucille?"

 

A pool formed at the bottom of her stomach as Rick walked forward, "We don't need to--"

 

"To what? Damage such a beautiful face?" He grabbed her chin and smiled, "I'll tell you what!" He leans back for a moment and then wraps his one arm around her shoulders, pulling her along with him, "I've got some work to do here, baby doll. You can think about it. And when I come back..." he whispered against her ear and felt how hot his breath was against her skin, "there better be a yes in that pretty little mouth of yours." Negan pulled away and laughed, how deep and suddenly scary it sounded. Rick walked over to her.

 

"Ada..." 

 

"I'm fine Rick. I'll be fine." She turned and looked at him, his eyes looking tired and red, "I'm a big girl." 

 

"Damn right she is!" Negan chimed in with a wink. 

 

How he held such a power over anyone, she would never know. When he talked it almost seemed like he was being human, his voice was soft...of course that was until he threatened to beat people to death. She walked back towards her place as her heart pounded hard in her chest. As if she had a fucking choice in the matter. Panic came over her and she went to shut the door to be in peace, when one of Negan’s men stuck his foot in the door, "Now now, don't try and keep us out." 

 

_Fuck..._

 

"I wasn't..."

 

"You giving me attitude?" 

 

"No, I’m really not..." she groaned in frustration and moved past them wanting to scream at the top of her lungs.

 

Negan continued to walk around with Rick. Smiling and laughing, but not like a friend would. More like someone thats about to stab you in the back. Negan looked over at her, "we can't keep running into each other like this baby doll." Her heart raced as she decide to turn away from him, but regret formed as his voice yelled out, "don't you turn away from me." His voice was stern and demanding as if she had awakened a beast. 

 

_Good fucking job. Had to poke the fucking bear._

She stopped and turned around, walking towards him, his was smiling and his eyes burned into her, "see? Isn't that easier when we all are on board and work together!" He wrapped his arm around her shoulders again, "been thinking about that little deal?"

 

Of course she had been, again, it’s not like she had a damn choice in the matter, "…I have, however it’s only been 5 minutes..." Her eyes looked up at him and her cheeks were beginning to feel warm. She went to pull away but his grip on her was tight and firm.

 

"You know, I want you to join us on this little adventure of the town. Love to have a pretty little thing like you around my arm." Ada looked away from him before he bent down and pressed his lips against her ear, "can you hear that? I hear it." her eyes shifted over, "The sound of you being sexually frustrated." He chuckled against her ear and lightly licked her skin, her breath hitching for a moment, "See? I can feel the tension baby doll." 

 

It happened so quick and whatever made her decide to do it, regret had followed immediately after. A loud slap echoed in the complex as her hand grazed along his facial hair. That small moment of time, had caused a big problem for her.

 

_You’re dead._

He seemed in shock for a moment before he turned his head to look down at her. A huge grin covered his face, “Now, you’re the second one to do that to me, today.” He grabbed onto her roughly by the neck of her shirt and pulled her really close, “And I’m gonna tell you the same. Fucking. Thing.” Ada wasn’t sure if she should have been scared or aroused, his beard rubbed against her skin as he whispered into her ear, “I’m about 50% more into you now.”

 

Her breathing elevated, but the grip on her shirt wouldn’t let up, “Let me –“

 

“What’s that baby doll? I can’t hear you—“ he yanked her closer, his breath was hot against her skin, “you better _beg_ me to let you go— because nothing is gonna be more sexier than watching you grovel.”

 

“Fuck—you.” She looked up at his eyes, how could he be this way? However with what happened to the world...perhaps it would always be like this. Forever...

 

“Hot damn, doll. Love that mouth on you—“ he let go of her shirt and ran his fingers along her lips, “I’ll put it to good use one day.”

 

What else could she say? “Thanks...”

 

He winked, "anytime baby doll." And pulled her close as they continued the tour, her cheeks were red, from both being terrified and sexually aroused. Rick turned around to look at her, his expression worrying and scared. 

 

"I know you take half the supplies and everything. But--"

 

"But what?" Negan pulled away from her for a moment, "got a problem here, Rick?" 

 

Rick seemed sure of what was about to come out of his mouth, but Ada wasn’t, "If Ada doesn't want to go with you—“

 

_Oh my god. Rick shut up!_

 

Negan moved close to Rick, his face a few inches from his "oh? Got a problem here do we? Do you really need her? Cause I certainly need her." 

 

"Negan, we are giving you--"

 

"And you will be giving her to me. Do you understand or do I need to make it clear, _again?"_  

 

"Enough!" she yelled out causing Negan to turn and look at her, for a moment almost regretting her decision to raise her voice to them, “No one is giving me—to anyone--cause—“ Negan slowly moved closer to her and stood just an inch away from her face, "I--I will go with you." 

 

Negan walked back over to Rick and smiled at Ada. He looked over at Rick, "now look at that. Someone that plays by the damn rules. Goddamn baby doll. Got a fire burning inside of me." 

 

"Ada, you don't have--" 

 

"I want to, Rick. Let me do this," she reached over and touched Rick’s shoulder, "it's best if I leave." 

 

Negan wrapped his arm around her shoulders once again and walked with her, "good choice. When you're with me, doll. The world is gonna be heaven." 

 

“But I can’t go yet.”

 

“Excuse me?” she was starting to wonder if maybe she shouldn’t have left the house today, “You leave, when I _say_ you leave.”

 

“I’m not leaving my daughter.”

 

Negan stopped, as if to process this information, “And where the _fuck_ is she?’

 

They walked together over to her place, feeling a little relief that his men were finally out of the house. She walked upstairs and into her daughter’s room, Negan pushed by her when he saw the little one asleep on her small bed.

 

“Oh-ho--” He grinned and placed down Lucille before walking over to the bed and looking down at the small child, “Look at you.” He bent down and picked up her daughter.

 

“Negan—“ she went to protest, but saw how gentle he was with her and for a moment wondered what the hell happened to the man who wanted to bash people’s heads in?

 

Her daughter was still fast asleep as she rested on Negan’s shoulder, “Such a beautiful girl.” He seemed so comfortable with her and Ada couldn’t believe it, “What’s this angel’s name?”

 

“Lucy.”

 

_Probably shouldn’t have answered that._

 

He stilled at the mention of the name, but then moved slowly with her back and forth, “Beautiful name.” A little sneeze sounded from Lucy before she opened her eyes and looked at Negan. Ada prepared herself for the wailing and crying, but it never came, “Look who’s up.” He smiled moving the strand of brown hair out of her face, “You’re gonna come and ride in the front with me—“

 

“No, Negan...Please can I have my daughter back?”

 

“No. Cause this angel is gonna come with us, aren’t you?” He turned to look at Ada, who suddenly wasn’t feeling all that well, he moved close to her, his eyes bearing down on to hers. “Grab what you need. You get 5 minutes, so you better move that fine ass of yours.”

 

She didn’t want to argue and went to grab what she needed. The entire time he spoke to Lucy, his voice so soft and gentle towards her. He must’ve had a family at some point. Before all of this... But still, the man that instilled fear into everyone, had a fucking soft spot.

 

Ada walked with Negan out of the house as he continued to carry Lucy with him. She stayed close to keep an eye on her.

 

Rick stood at the front gate, “Are you sure—“ he went to speak to Ada when Negan cut in.

 

“Don’t fucking push it, Rick.” Negan’s voice cut into him, “she's made her choice. So stop fucking badgering with what’s mine.”

 

“I have a fucking name—“ dread hit hard against her. Negan was holding her child...And she had to open her fucking mouth. But instead of a rage so fierce, that it would kill her. He licked his lips and smirked.

 

“And what the fuck is your name, baby doll?”

 

“Ada.”

 

“Short and to the fucking point! I like it.” He grinned and turned his attention back to Lucy. It probably didn’t matter what her name was as he was never going to need a damn reason to say it anyways. At least she hoped that was the case.

 

She crawled into one of the trucks, and turned her head to look back out at the group. Rick watched her for a moment before they finally pulled away and headed down the barren road. Her attention turned back to Negan at the front, who still had a hold on Lucy, her head resting on his shoulder. Slowly making their way to the place they would have to call home from now on.


	2. Chapter 2

 

The drive felt like it took forever, but only because Ada couldn’t calm herself down with Negan holding onto Lucy. Although Lucy seemed to be content and relaxed in his arms, Ada was not. Throughout the way there, Negan would turn his head and glance behind to see her focused on Lucy. He had power over her and fucking loved every second of it.

 

“What’s the matter, babydoll?”

 

She grimaced at his words, “You know damn well—“

 

“Calm the fuck down. She’s fine.” Lucy stirred in her sleep, “there, there.” He cooed and rubbed her back.

 

Ada clenched her fists tightly, that was her child he was comforting and even if he wasn’t going to hurt her...it still bothered the shit outta her.

 

“I’m not a damn monster. I wouldn’t hurt a child.” He smiled again and chuckled, “Men however, well... I could hit ‘em for days on end!”

 

She wanted to know, “And women?”

 

“It takes a whole damn lot, doll. A whole fucking lot.” That didn’t sound overly promising, but took his word anyways.

 

They reached a tall building that looked like an old factory as they drove through the gates. When she turned her head, she saw the array of walkers that were on the other side of the fence, some looking like they’ve been chained down.

 

“Nothing to worry about, baby doll. They won’t be getting in anytime soon.”

 

“Could you try and stick to one damn pet name?”

 

_You really gotta quit that shit, Ada..._

They stopped the truck as they reached the entrance. The doors opened as she climbed out. But the minute her feet hit the ground, Negan was there, only a few inches away from her. Panic ensued when she saw that he didn’t have Lucy.

 

“Where’s—“

 

“I ask the damn questions around here.” He didn’t sound too pleased about what she said in the truck. His hazel eyes watched her brown ones, he was so close to her as a rush of heat came to her cheeks, “Now, what the fuck did you say in the truck?”

 

“I—I said—“

 

“What did you say, doll?” He bent down near her ear, which gave her a glance at the fact that Dwight was holding onto Lucy, “Come on...tell me.”

 

Fear took a hold of her, almost afraid to take a damn breath, “Could you try—“

 

Negan pressed hard against her, pinning her to the truck and bringing forth a light moan from her lips. He grinned against her ear and placed his other hand on her cheek as if to pull her close to his lips, “You got a mouth on you, baby doll. And I’d love nothing more than to shove my dick between those lush lips of yours.” His beard tickled against her skin, she wanted to move. She wanted to get Lucy and run. But he held her there and her eyes widened slightly as she felt his arousal through his jeans. “Gotta tell ya. It’s taking a lot to make me not want to make an example out of you. But I’ll tell you what.”

She felt the friction of his jeans against hers, as he pushed her further into the truck. “If you can keep that pretty goddamn mouth of yours shut. Your day tomorrow will be like living on easy street. Think you can do that?”

 

Ada nodded her head, unable to speak at the moment, fearing she might say something else she shouldn’t.

 

“I want our first time to be special and not with that little angel over there watching.” He pulled away and looked down at her, watching how red her cheeks were, “Do we have an understanding, _doll_?”

 

_How can someone so damn sexy, be such a fucking prick?_

 

“Yes.”

 

He hovered his lips just barely brushing hers, “Yes, what?”

 

“Yes, Negan.”

 

“Mmm! Gotta love it when you can follow the rules!” Negan pulled away from her, finally giving her the space to breathe. She looked over as he said his goodbyes to Lucy, “Show them to their room, Dwighty boy.” he grinned and laughed, how deep it sounded, “I’ll give you the personal tour later, doll.” He winked and walked off whistling, with Lucille resting on his shoulder.

 

“Come on—“ Dwight motioned her to follow.

 

“Does everyone in here not use names? I have a goddamn name.”

 

“In the end, it doesn’t matter here. So you can either shut up and I’ll take you where you need to go. Or we can make this a painfully long walk.”

 

“Give me my daughter.”

 

It almost looked like he wanted to argue with the _way_ she had asked. But he handed Lucy back over. They walked through the long corridors, she couldn’t believe how big it was and for a moment felt worried she was going to get lost.

 

“So it’s simple, tomorrow you’re going to come out to front entrance. I don’t know what it is you did before everything. But we need to see what it is you can do. You’ll be asked a series of questions and you better answer them.”

 

“Okay...”

 

“We have a point system around here. You have a job. You do your job. You earn points and the points are for you to use at the commissary. So if you do well, you won’t have to worry.” She watched him talk, wondering the whole time what had happened to the side of his face, “You fuck up...you’ll pay for it. Follow the rules and you’ll be good.”

 

“Is that what happened to your face?” such a distained look crossed his face, “Broke a few rules, did you?”

 

“It’s none of your fucking business.” He stopped at the door, “Don’t be late tomorrow. Negan hates it.”

 

“but there’s no clock—“ She almost wished that Negan had taken her. Dwight didn’t seem any better. He scoffed and hurried out the door and slammed it behind him, “Where do I eat? Where do I shower? Where’s the washroom? No? Don’t wanna answer those questions...Prick.”

 

She rolled her eyes and placed Lucy on the bed, “This world is getting harder and harder to be in my love.” Lucy laid down and stared up at the ceiling, before sleep finally came over her. Ada looked around the room, it was small, but it would do for the two of them. She walked over to unpack a few of her things, one of them being a journal that she had been writing in for the last 3 years. It was a thick book, with lots of pages, though she was running out of space... she walked over to the bedside table and placed the book in there, hoping that no one would see it.

 

“Guess this is home now...” her eyes wandered around before walking back over to the bed and looking down at her daughter, she grabbed onto her small hand and squeezed it lightly, “I love you.” She whispered softly before a knock sounded at the door. She walked over and opened it, “Hello?”

 

A man with dark brown hair and beard, greeted her. He was a bigger man, “Um, Hi. Brought up this—“ he lifted up the small slab of fabric, “you have the little one to think of—“

 

She nodded her head, “It’ll be good for her.” and felt hesitant for a moment, “Are you sure that’s okay? I don’t want to get anyone in trouble...or break any of the rules--” Not that she knew any of the damn rules...something she would have to get a grasp on tomorrow. 

 

He smiled and seemed so damn nice. Why does everyone else have to be awful? “Oh, Negan told me to bring it up. Said something about that poor sweet little angel—“

 

She cut him off. It bothered her too much and it was probably what Negan wanted, “Thank you—?“

 

“Joseph, Joey or...Fat Joey. But that last one is Negan’s.”

 

That didn’t seem very nice, especially when he didn’t seem so bad, “Well, thank you Joey.”

 

“Good night.”

 

She shut the door lightly, not wanting to wake Lucy and placed the bedding on the floor near her bed. “Come on—“ She picked up Lucy, only to have her stir a bit in her sleep and laid her down on the small bed, “Hopefully you’re comfortable.” she picked up Lucy’s blanket and laid it over her. Feeling grateful that Lucy had somewhere to sleep. Now she wouldn’t have to worry about her hogging the damn bed.

 

The bed was alright in comfort, not a 5 star hotel, but it would have to do. She fluffed up the pillow and laid down on her side staring out at the wall, wondering now and truthfully...could she have avoided coming here, had she not left her fucking house?

 

_But that’s not the truth of the matter...Is it Ada?_

 

Negan was a scary man, but to her...he was no different than the other men she had encountered. They were all the same. The only difference seemed to be that, Negan didn’t beat the shit out of her and rape her and there was some comfort in that, though she didn’t know why.

 

_He’d probably kill you in a heartbeat if you really pissed him off. But I gotta say, the gods must have chiselled his face. Why do the sexy ones always have to be the ones that wanna kill you or bash your skull in?_

She breathed out heavily into the room, how could she sleep? She wasn’t tired and even though there weren’t any windows, the need for sleep wasn’t strong. Lucy stirred in her sleep, making small whining noises, “I’m sorry, Lucy.” Her voice was soft and low, “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Maybe we will be safe here?”

 

_Yeah with the horny asshole running the joint._

_You’re all set, aren’t you?_

But it wasn’t just her leaving the house that got her into this mess. It was something else. Something from a time before all of this happened, when the world was kinder and the dead didn’t rule the world. Her eyes closed as she tried to let sleep overcome her.

 

Eventually, it did.


	3. Chapter 3

A loud few knocks jolted Ada awake, as well as Lucy as she woke up crying. She bent down and picked her up from the bed and wandered over to the door, “What the—“

 

A young woman was standing there, a solemn smile decorated her face, “Um, Ada?”

 

“Yeah—“

 

The girl walked in, “I’m Sara and I’m supposed to be watching the little one while you go and head out to main entrance.”

 

“Oh I—“

 

“And you’re going to need to go now—“ she plucked Lucy from Ada’s arms, “Don’t worry. She’ll be fine.”

 

It’s not like she had a say in anything at this point in time, “What time it is?—“

 

“It’s 3pm...”

 

_Holy shit, it’s that fucking late?_

 

“Seriously...being on time is big around here. Please go...before you get into trouble.”

 

Ada looked at Lucy and then back at Sara, “Fine—just—“

 

“We’re fine—“ she shut the door on Ada’s face. If there was time, she would have opened the door to yell at her, but proceeded to run down the hallway. But now the better question was...which way was it to the main entrance?

 

“Fuck—“ she breathed out, miraculously making it just on the dot. She stood with a few others, though they didn’t look overly pleased to be there. Negan walked over and placed his hand on the man’s shoulder.

 

“This, is my right hand man, Simon. And he’s gonna be the one to decide whether or not you’re even good enough to play on the right team!” he smacked his shoulder, “Let’s show these pussy’s how it’s fucking done!”

 

Negan leaned back for a moment and walked over to Ada, “This is what I like to see, doll.” His teeth were so damn white against his beard, but damn, was it ever a nice beard, “being on damn time! You’re lucky we moved this session to the afternoon. Keep it up—“ his eyes ran down from her eyes and to her lips, “And maybe I’ll show you the nice side of me.”

 

_What nice side? You actually have one of those?_

Simon took each person one at a time, as he talked with them asking what he needed too before timing a person how long it took to kill a couple of walkers. One of the guys almost didn’t make it back from that. She stood still awaiting her turn and felt the burning of Negan’s eyes bore into the back of her head.

 

“Ada!” she walked over to Simon quickly, he didn’t seem like the waiting type, “Ready for some questions?”

 

“Yes.” How bad could they be? I mean how much did they want to know...then again, this is Negan she was thinking about.

 

“Question one. How many walkers have you killed?”

 

“87.”

 

“Question two. How many people have you killed?”

 

She froze in place, Negan was in ear shot and after what seemed like a minute, he sauntered on over, “Cat got your goddamn tongue, baby doll? The man asked you a question. So you better be answering him.”

 

“Um—“ she sighed in defeat, “one.”

 

“Who?” Simon asked.

 

“Does that really matter?”

 

“I ask the fucking questions here. Who?”

 

Negan leaned in close to her, like that was gonna help with answering the question, “I don’t remember his name...He raped me.” She paused feeling like judgement was being held upon her, “He’s the reason...that Lucy even exists.”

 

Negan grabbed her chin and made her look at him, “That angel came from a disgusting fuck, that found it okay to rape you?” she nodded her head, not wanting to say another word, however the next question threw her off. “How did you do it?”

 

“I—“ so much uneasiness lingered with her, “Why do you—“

 

“Tell me, doll.” His licked his lips and smiled, “I wanna hear how you wasted him. He did have it coming to him after all.”

 

Was this not interfering with the question asking? Why did this have to be something she had to talk about...it was a long time ago and up until now, she had almost forgotten about it. Silence lingered between them till Negan handed Lucille over to Simon and cupped his leather gloved hands on her face.

 

“Look at me, baby doll. And tell me how you did it.”

 

Her eyes watched his, he was intending to watch her speak, whether she liked it or not. And moving from that spot was not an option, not for her and definitely not for him, “There was a knife he had on his hip and—“

 

“Come on, doll. Keep going—“

 

It was like encouraging Bambi to fucking walk.

 

“After he finished, a noise had distracted him which gave me the chance to grab the knife—“ everything was coming back to her. The hitting. The screaming. The pain of his finger tips in her hips, “and I shoved the blade up into his skull, a few times.”

 

His teeth ran along his bottom lip for a moment and grinned as he stood there with her, “Damn, doll. Ice cold...I _love_ it.”

 

“Like you said, he had it coming.”

 

“Got ourselves a fighter, Simon. One not afraid of protecting what she values. Mmph!” he laughed and pulled his hands away, “keep this up and I’m gonna have to steal you away, doll. Keep you all to my damn self.”

 

“No—“

 

Her answer didn’t even dissuade him, “Oh don’t worry. Eventually you’ll see it my way.” He bent down near her ear, “I can feel your body fighting every _urge_ and I gotta say...this is gonna be a fun ride.”

 

Her lips lingered near his ears and whispered, “And it must be so damning that I haven’t begged you to fuck me.” her breath felt warm against his ear, “What a fucking pity.”

 

A deep chuckle sounded in his throat before he pulled away, “Damn. Don’t play with fire, if you can’t put it out.”

 

She smirked and turned her attention back to Simon...who didn’t look all that comfortable being there now and as he proceeded to ask the next question, Negan butted in again, “How many men have you been with?”

 

“Excuse me!” she covered her mouth for a moment, feeling she was too loud, “what does that have to do with---“ was it really worth fighting over? “One.”

 

His grin couldn’t get any bigger as she watched him, wishing she hadn’t said such a low number. “Oh—so you haven’t really had the chance to be with a _real_ man.”

 

_Good fucking job! Couldn’t have said 5? 10? 100!? No wait that’s too much. Just had to be honest!_

_Now he seems very interested in you._

_Have fun avoiding him._

_Oh wait..._

**_You can’t_ ** _._

 

“I suppose so...” did they have to do this now?

 

“You know what Simon. Skip the rest of the questions...I wanna see how our fighter, fairs out with our dead friends.” He looked over the fence, “Got a weapon, baby doll?”

 

Was she supposed to bring one? “No—“

 

Negan motioned over to Simon as he pulled out a knife and handed it to her. She hadn’t noticed that they were near the opening of the pen, had they been there the whole time? “Here ya go—“ Simon smirked before he pushed her into the pen, a few of the walkers turning their heads towards her.

 

“Fuck—“ she hissed out, her hands digging into the ground, the knife she had, scattered over to the side.

 

“Got a few stragglers—“ Negan grinned as he watched her, “Come on, doll— show me that fire of yours—“

 

She shook for a moment getting her surroundings, but quickly was grabbed onto by a walker dragging its body along the ground. Her foot made contact with its head, crushing in the skull before she crawled over and grabbed onto the knife. Negan’s laughter echoed in her head as she stood up quickly and stabbed the other one in the head, leaving the third walker to grab onto from behind. It took the weight of her body to throw the damn thing onto the ground before her foot made contact with its head, stomping on its skull until it ceased moving.  Her breathing was hard as she walked back through the gates, handing the knife back over to Simon.

 

Negan walked close to her, his eyes grazing the redness on her cheeks, the heaving of her breasts, before he reached her eyes, “You aim to impress, don’t you?”

 

“Doesn’t hurt... Does it?” she breathed through, trying to keep her body from shaking.

 

“Well damn. I like what I see! Someone that can handle their shit!” He smiled and pulled her close and walked with her, “I think baby doll, that you should come and have some dinner with me tonight.”

 

“I don’t—know. What about—“

 

“That angel of yours will be fine. Sara is good with kids.”

 

“I don’t think-- I’ve deserved—“

 

His one hand cupped the back of her head, pulling her just mere inches away from his lips, his voice low and enticing, “Now I hope, that you’re not declining a dinner date with me, baby doll. Cause I know that you know better than to say—“

 

It probably wasn’t a smart move, but she inched closer that her lips brushed lightly along his as she spoke, sending a pleasurable shock down her spine. Why didn’t she think things through? “Yes, Negan. I’d _love_ to have dinner with you.” He didn’t move as his eyes looked down at hers, they were both at a standstill.

 

“Dwight will come get you then.” She kept her eyes on his, wondering and waiting for what he was going to do, “we shall continue _this_ later.” He pulled away from her and swung Lucille on his shoulder, whistling as he walked back into the building.

 

She felt her legs buckle as he left her standing there. Simon looked over at her, “Yeah, I bet you really fucking loved watching that, Simon.” Her eyes turned their gaze back out to the pen of walkers, heading back to the entrance before Simon could say anything. She wiped off most of the walker guts as she headed inside and back to her room.

 

When she got back in her room, it was silent. For a moment she thought maybe Sara had taken Lucy somewhere, but when she saw the small child on her bed, sleeping soundly, relief hit hard. She looked over to see Sara asleep on the floor beside Lucy. It seemed like she didn’t have anything to worry about and walked over, shaking Sara’s shoulder lightly, “Sara?”

 

“Mmm?” she sat up, blinking away the sleep, “Oh, hey. You’re back—“

 

“Yeah... how was she?”

 

Sara climbed up off the floor, “she was great. No problems on my end.” But there were thousands on Ada’s.

 

“Good.” she looked down at Lucy and smiled, “Might need you again tonight, Sara.”

 

“Sure—“ Sara walked past her and over to the door, “How did it go?”

 

_Awful._

“It went alright.” She smiled softly and sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to get her bearings, “Thanks again.”

 

Sara smiled and shut the door, leaving Ada alone in silence. She had some time now to think, without Negan taunting her, “Goddamn it.” Her hands shook as she rested her head in them, as if cradling she was cradling the world, “I shouldn’t have made that promise...” she laid down on her bed and looked at the ceiling, “I don’t know what to do anymore. If this is torture then...how the hell can I live through it?”

 

“You just do.”

 

Ada jolted up from her bed to see Dwight standing at her door and was wondering how long he had been standing there, “Oh—I didn’t hear you knock.”

 

He threw down a few articles of clothing, “You got an hour to get ready. I’ll be back then, so you better be ready. Negan doesn’t like waiting.”

 

_Don’t have to tell me twice._

“Thanks Dwight.”

 

He didn’t seem like a man that wanted to hear nice words. But nodded and shut her door leaving her to change. She walked over to the pile of clothes and picked them up, “That’s one very see-through blouse...” if she didn’t wear a bra, she was sure Negan would notice and picked up the black skirt, “Fuck—“ she gritted through her teeth, if she didn’t wear it...heaven forbid! He’d probably chew her out.

 

_You mean eat you out..._

 

And then she grabbed onto the thong and just about fell down with bouts of laughter, she couldn’t even remember the last time she wore one of those, “It was his plan all along! To kill me with laughter—“ and covered her mouth, hoping to have the giggles out by dinner. She looked down at herself, the skirt wasn’t too bad, short, but not that short. And the blouse nicely accented her chest...without the bra. She may not have a huge rack, but it looked good all the same.

 

A knock sounded at her door, “Time move it!” Dwight’s voice sounded through the door.

 

A little panic hit her, realizing Sara hadn’t come back yet. But when she opened the door Sara pushed right on by the two of them and pushed Ada out the door before shutting it, “Well she doesn’t waste any time--”

 

“Yeah. Neither should you. Let’s go.”

 

The walk seemed a little longer than expected, however probably wasn’t going to remember much of it.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Dwight seemed confused, “What for?”

 

“My shitty comment about your face. Wasn’t my place to ask.” Now it felt super awkward between the two of them.

 

_Sometimes keeping your mouth shut, is a valid option._

“Doesn’t matter.” And that was it from him for the rest of the walk, until they finally reached a set of wooden doors that was on the other side of the building. Dwight knocked and it only took one, before Negan’s voice beckoned them beyond the doors.

 

“Come in.”


	4. Chapter 4

Dwight opened the door as Ada walked past time and into the room. It was a nice goddamn room. He had good taste, she had to admit that. Black and grey decor, lovely couches, pillows, and a nice bed...The room felt inviting, however Negan did not. But he stood up from the couch to look at her, his grin seeming more dangerous now that she was going to be left alone with him. In a room with a fancy fucking bed. His eyes trailed along her body, her legs were long, a little thicker than most girls, but were toned from the constant travelling over the last 6 years.

 

“Hot damn!”

 

She heard the door shut behind, leaving the two of them alone together. “Glad you like it...”

 

_Of course he likes it. He fucking picked it out!_

 

She wasn’t one for dressing up. He moved over to her slowly, as if he was stalking his prey. Before he stood in front of her, his gaze lingered on hers, “Damn, you clean up nice. Didn’t know that’s what you were hiding under all that clothing...” he reached his hand out and touched the side of her face. His gaze went down to her chest before he looked back up at her. She was losing her composure really quickly, “are you wearing a bra?”  

 

“If I say no, can we sit down?”

 

“Of course...” he moved in closer, brushing his lips against her ear. A shiver slid down her, and the hairs on her neck stood, “Anything to watch you cross those pretty legs of yours.”

 

_Say yes._

_Say yes!_

“Yes, I am wearing a bra.” She looked away to the couches, wanting to sit down.

 

“Mmm, what fun is that, doll?” he pulled away and sat down on one of the couches before offering her a seat.

 

She walked over in the damn heels he had put with the outfit. Heels were not her thing. She couldn’t walk in them before the apocalypse and she sure as hell couldn’t do it now! As if the evening couldn’t get any worse, she tripped and fell into the couch, “Fucking—damnit!” she hissed to herself.

 

A laugh sounded from Negan as he looked down at her, on her knees and watching him from the corner of her eye, “I gotta say, doll.” Her cheeks were burning as he moved from the couch and knelt down beside her, “I love seeing you on your knees—makes me want to rip that damn clothing off you and fuck you. Right. Here.”

 

The words weren’t helping as her legs felt like goddamn jello and now she didn’t want to move. She lifted her head up more, facing his gaze, which elicited a smile from him. He knew what he was doing to her, if the redness from her cheeks wasn’t enough, then maybe the small moan that came from her when he pulled her over, was enough.

 

“How you’ve stay single so long, is beyond me, doll.”

 

She hadn’t been this close to a man in a long while. But he made a move, pressing his lips lightly against her neck. Her lips bruised as she bit down on her lip, trying to stop the pleasurable moan from escaping. A knock sounded at the door, giving her a moment to distance herself, “Ah! Dinner!” her footing wasn’t graceful as she tried to stand up, but he wasn’t going to let her go anywhere as he pulled hard, causing her to fall onto the ground. Her legs spread open exposing her crotch and the thong she had on.

 

He watched amusement, his eyes hungrily taking in the sight of her, “Look at that. Dinner and a show.”

 

_Fuck it. I might as well lay here and wait for whomever to bring in dinner...FUCK!_

“Negan—“

 

His hands ran along her leg, before he grabbed onto her ankle and yanked her over to him, “You can come in—“ his voice echoed in the small space, before looking back down at her. He bent down and hovered above her lips, “Now I can safely say. That I love the sight of your legs around my waist.”

 

“Negan can we—“ The door opened as Joey walked into the room with the tray, he saw the sight of Ada and hurried the tray over and placed it on the table. Before he hurried out the door and shut it.

 

“Let’s eat!” he pulled away from her, stood up and extended his hand down. She almost didn’t want to bother. “Gotta eat, baby doll.”

 

“I’d rather die from embarrassment, thanks—“ His hands wrapped around her wrists as he yanked her up off the floor. The sudden force, threw her into his arms.

 

“Doll, you’re going to eat. Even if that means that I have to feed you.” She could feel his cock, straining against his jeans. Did everything turn this man on? “Got it?”

 

“Yes, Negan—“

 

He closed his eyes, relishing in her voice, “Mmm...Say it again.”

 

“Yes, Negan.”

“Good.” He moved her over to the couch, “Now sit down.”

 

No use in arguing. She sat down, her heart pounding hard in her chest. How could she possibly get through dinner with this man? She looked down at the food, it did look good however...she really didn’t want to eat.

 

A smirk played along his lips, as he saw how she was acting, “Go on. Unless, you want me to feed it to you?”

 

No, that would be degrading. This whole situation was. She grabbed onto the fork and knife and began to pick at her food, putting small morsels in her mouth. He seemed so fixated on her mouth and she wanted to stop eating.

 

“How is that little angel of yours?”

 

“Lucy is fine.”

 

He ate down his food with no problem. But the more she picked, the more he noticed. He finally finished and came over to her side and sat down, plucking the fork from her hand, “I warned you—“

 

_Oh god... I’ve angered the beast._

“I’m sorry. I’m just not that hungry—“

 

“Well damn, doll. Then tell me what you’re really hungry for then?”

 

“Maybe I should be asking you that?” his eyes turned dark as he placed the fork down and pinning her down onto the couch.

 

“It’s a dangerous question to ask.” His one hand slid up her thigh, “Cause what I’m hungry for is that luscious pussy between your legs.”

 

She had to stop it, how could she throw him off...”Where are the showers?”

 

“Really, doll?”

 

“I don’t know where anything is. Your homeboy Dwight didn’t tell me dick all.” The desire left his eyes as he stood up and pulled her off the couch.

 

“Well damn, doll. Then maybe it’s time for the personal tour!“ he grabbed onto Lucille and pulled on Ada’s arm, “Let’s go.”

 

The building didn’t seem as busy as it slowly changed to dusk, some of the windows letting in the pink sky that was slowly turning dark. She walked beside him, trying to keep up in the heels she was wearing. And he didn’t spare in the personal tour, she got to see everything, even the things she didn’t want to see.

 

_He’s got 5 wives? Oh god, run for the hills, Ada._

The shower room was big, the stalls were separated with small walls. Not much privacy but it was enough, “Thank you. I was worried I’d get lost in this place.” But he grabbed onto her and pushed her into the shower and turned on the water, the cold water hit against her clothing and she squealed at the contact, “The fuck!“

 

He stood on the edge and looked at her. Everything was sticking to her, including the lie she told earlier, “You’re a damn liar.”

 

“I—am not!”

 

He walked closer to her after placing Lucille down, “Oh, yes, baby doll. You are.” He came really close to her, “Do you know what I do to liars?”

 

Her body shook, from the cold water and Negan’s presence. “N—no..”

 

“I punish them.” He ran his hand down from the curve of her breast and down to the waist of the skirt, “Wondering how?”

 

No, no she was not...

 

The silence was answer enough as he slipped his hand under her skirt and ran his fingers along her soaking folds. A gasp sounded from her as a groan sounded from him, “Damn baby doll. You’re goddamn soaked.” He pressed against her and pushed a finger against her entrance, prodding and teasing, “Is what I do to you? Make you soaked and horny? Shit, doll. You really do want to play with fire, don’t you?”

 

“I—“

 

“Answer me.”

 

What did she want? To make it out of there alive, “Yes.”

 

“Tell me what you want, baby doll.”

 

“I want you...” she breathed out, sparing no reason for thought. As his fingers pushed into her tight cunt, “Oh—god—“

 

“So—tight—“ he grinned and pushed her hard into the wall, “I can’t wait to shove my dick in you and fill you right up. Do you want that?”

 

“Yes—“ her hands grabbed tightly onto his leather jacket as he finger fucked her.

 

“Want me to shove my face between your legs? Eat you out, until cream yourself?”

 

_You’re corrupted, Ada. Did you know that?_

“Yes—Negan—“ She felt like she was nearing an orgasm. He felt the tightness around his fingers. He went for a few minutes, but then, just like that...he pulled his hand out and ran his soaked fingers along her lips. Her tongue darting out to lick his fingers clean and then tried to shove her hand between her legs, to finish what he started. His hands gripped her wrists like a vice and shoved them hard against the wall.

 

“Don’t you dare, doll. That’s not your call.”

 

“Keep being rough and I just might cum without your fingers—“ It wasn’t hard for her, she was very much aroused and if he didn’t watch it, she would cum.

 

“Threatening me? Isn’t fucking wise.”

 

“Fuck you—“

 

The grin came back, “Oh, you will. And you’ll love every goddamn moment of it. But you lied; baby doll and I don’t take kindly to that.” His one leg pressed in between her legs, hitting her sensitive cunt.

 

That’s all it took. A smiled formed on her lips as she moaned out from the pleasure that shook her. His lips pressed roughly against hers, silencing her as she rode out her orgasm. Everything felt rough. Everything felt hot. His tongue danced against hers, till finally she stopped shaking and relaxed. The impending doom she felt now tormented her as he pulled his mouth away from hers. His breathing ragged as his cock strained hard against his jeans. He wasn’t happy. Not. One. Fucking. Bit.

 

Silence lingered between them, except for the dripping sound of the shower head. His lips brushed against her neck, licking and biting the skin, before he pulled away and looked down at her, “Baby doll...that’s gonna cost you.”

 

_WHY IS THIS MY FAULT!?_

 “You shoved your leg there—“

 

_Well shit, I didn’t tell you to say something._

“You cum, when I decide. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes, Negan.”

 

“Don’t pull that shit, ever again.” He lessened the pressure on her as his eyes ran down to her lips and bent down to run his lips along hers, “That goddamn mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble.”

 

“Gotta keep that damn fire burning in ya. Now don’t I?”

 

A small laugh left his lips before he pulled away and looked over at how wet and cold she was. Looking at her breasts and seeing the nipples push against the fabric, watching the mess he created, “Need you to head out with Simon tomorrow for a run. Think you can handle it without telling him off?”

 

“Is that my punishment?”

 

“Hell no, doll. That’s your damn job around here, now. Congratulations!” he licked his lips, “but I’ll tell you what. You do a good job tomorrow and I will forgive this whole thing—because I am a stand-up guy!“ he paused, his grin fading and everything seemed dark for a moment, “Don’t you lie to me. Ever. Again.”

 

_OVER A FUCKING BRA!_

“Now what do you say?” He seemed so far away from where she stood, but as the lust wore off, feelings were starting to break through her.

 

“Thank you for dinner—I had a lovely time.”

 

“I aim to please.”

 

It looked like he had contemplated going back over to her, however ended up leaving her alone against the shower wall. A lot of feelings clawed at her as she slid down and sat on the ground, some cold water had pooled at the bottom as she sat down in it. When she was sure that he was gone, for good. She pulled herself up and slipped off the skirt to ring it out. Her body shook from the cold and from the orgasm she just had.

 

_It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? I mean not that you had a loving with relationship with your rapist._

The water sounded loud as she squeezed the material out before she wrapped it around her right hand and made a fist, turning her attention to the shower wall.

 

_I mean could this be really that much worse? But with how you’re feeling...I don’t even know._

_How are you feeling anyways?_

Her fist made contact with the wall, the material only cushioning some of the blow. And again she hit the wall, her teeth grinding as she pushed past the pain. Her arm shook lightly, as she punched into the wall over and over again.

 

_You’re safe here. Maybe Negan isn’t all that bad. But right now...you need to get through and I know you can._

A few angry tears slid down her cheeks before she finally stopped hitting the wall. There was a dull pain in her hand, which would be worse in the morning. She unwrapped the skirt and slipped it back on, fixing herself to the best of her ability. And walked as quickly as she could back to her room, hoping no one would see her.


	5. Chapter 5

The night before seemed like a blur as she tried to rush around her room to get ready and head out towards the gate. Sara had come and taken Lucy off her hands earlier. It felt like she hadn’t been spending time with her at all and that part hurt. Her feet hit hard against the ground as she ran through the building, hoping to god she wouldn’t be late. But some miracle she had and hurried over towards Simon, who was with Negan.

 

_You almost seemed surprised at that?_

“Goddamn baby doll! On time again!” he came over to her and pulled her close, “look at you go. Making me feel all sorts of crap.” He pressed the tip of Lucille into her chest and felt some of the barbed wire poke through, “I think Lucille is getting a little jealous!”

 

A horrible realization dawned on her, that she hadn’t covered up her little brawl with the wall and hadn’t looked down to see what damage was done to her hand. She could bend it, but not without some sort of pain shooting up her arm. She went to walk away from Negan when he grabbed onto her wrist.

 

“One second, doll. In a rush to go?”

 

_He saw your hand, didn’t he?_

 

“You told me to be here on time and I am.”

 

“And good for you! But Simon doesn’t go, until I say he goes. Isn’t that right?”

 

“Damn right.”

 

_Fuck you, Simon._

However he did pull up her right hand and pressed his lips against the palm of her hand as if to taunt her. But let go of her hand and as she walked away, thinking they were free to go. Negan’s voice made her body stand still, the sound of his feet crunching against the gravel sounded so much louder as he stopped behind her. He grabbed onto her right hand, his lips right against her ear as he whispered, “Look doll, I know its hard being here and all. But I’ve been pretty good to you.” His hand squeezed around hers, causing her breath to hitch, “You go with Simon and be good. But when you get back—“ his voice seemed so much lower and haunting as he spoke, “we are gonna have a nice little chat.”

 

She nodded her head, unsure of what to say. He seemed scary but after last night, it seemed like nothing today would faze her.

 

“And you better be honest with me. Because we have an understanding, don’t we?” he rested his head on the back of her neck, taking in the scent of her before he pulled away and smiled, “Well damn! Have a nice trip, baby doll.” His grin was back and that smug ass attitude was back.

 

“Thanks...” she walked over to Simon feeling like her heart jumped out of her throat and ran.

“Get in—“

 

Ada climbed in and looked back behind as Negan watched the lot of them head off. But his grin left haunting her as the gates closed shut behind them, “Where are we going?”

 

“Paying a little visit to our friends on Hilltop.” Uneasiness formed with her as they drove along, “Going to see Gregory.”

 

Ada didn’t know much about Hilltop, except that Maggie was there with Sasha. Another secret she would have to take with her to the grave, “Never met him before.”

 

“Well then today’s your lucky day, rookie.”

 

_Rookie?_

“Why is that?”

 

“You get to see how Negan really works.” his laughter was not comfortable, it was horrible and she wanted it to end.

 

When they reached Hilltop and all 30 some odd men climbed out of the three trucks. Ada kept close to Simon, unsure of what she needed to do. He looked down at her with that ridiculous somewhat of a handlebar moustache, “know how to use a gun?”

 

“Not as good as a knife.” He gave her a look, “I know how to use a gun.” 

 

He handed over a pistol to her before he walked with everyone to the mansion that rested on the hill. She placed the pistol into the back of her pants and hurried along with the others. They all walked into the mansion with Ada finally catching up as she walked through the doors. It was a nice place, nice and homey. Rich decor. Golden colors. Gregory must have it nice in this place.

 

Gregory shut the door and turned his attention to Simon, “Hello!” well at least he sounded happy. Somewhat.

 

“Hello . You’re Gregory.”

 

“Guilty as charged. Uh, welcome to Hilltop Colony.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

_Well this is fun! Could this be any more painful?_

“Do uh... make yourself at home.”

 

She looked around, taking in more of the decor.

 

“Eh...this isn’t a social call.”

 

That seemed to throw Gregory way off, “Oh—I-I-I--  I wouldn’t think it is.”

 

Simon had a huge unsettling smile plastered on his face as he walked over to Gregory, “We need to talk. And it’s getting a little claustrophobic in here, right?”

 

_Maybe if you didn’t bring 30 fucking people with you..._

“Let’s talk in your study. I wanna see that painting.” Simon turned his head to Ada as she walked over to him, feeling very uncomfortable, as he placed his arm around her shoulder.

 

_Pretty sure if Negan was here, he’d lose his shit. Simon, why are you touching me?_

 

 “Can’t remember who told me about it. But I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter much anymore. Don’t know if you heard what happened,”

 

“W-what happened?”

 

“Well, those people you used to deal with. Our brothers and sisters in arms and operation, well, they’ve been removed from the field of play.”

 

“Brothers and sisters? what—w-w-what do you mean?”

 

“I think you know what it means.”

 

She was so lost listening to the two of them talk.What the hell was Simon talking about. Gregory didn’t look all that comfortable.

 

“It means we need to talk!” he wrapped his other arm around Gregory’s shoulder as he pulled the both of them along “And today, I get to show rookie here—how we do things. Hope that’s not a problem—“

 

“N-n-no, not at all.” 

 

The doors shut tightly behind them, as Gregory took Simon over to the painting. Ada walked over and looked up. It was a nice painting. A really nice painting.

 

“Wow...just...wow!”

 

“In—in regarding last night, m-m-message received. Loud and clear.”

 

Simon continued to look up at the painting, “What was the message?” when silence answered him, he looked down at Gregory, “You said it was loud and clear.”

 

“Just I—I think you were showing us who was boss, right?”

 

_Did I really need to be here for all of this?_

“Oh—“ Simon chuckled, looking back up at the painting, “Yeah. Shit. It’s just...It’s just breathtaking.”

 

“Yeah.” Gregory spoke quietly.

 

She covered her mouth, trying to hide a smile and a laugh that wanted to escape. Didn’t even want to talk about what Gregory just said. It’s all about that damn painting.

 

“Isn’t it breathtaking, Rookie?” 

 

“It’s—really—it’s just...wow.”

 

“I know. See, that’s management by example.”

 

“Ah—“

 

“Crap you gotta deal with, right?”

 

“Oh, you’re telling me.” It was almost like two friends hitting the shit together, except it wasn’t.

 

“So, last night, that was _us_ working our asses off, to provide _you_ an example.”

 

Last night? They must had gone after her little hoo-ha with Negan in the showers. Didn’t seem like something Negan would go and do himself. That kind of work was for his little homeboys. 

 

Simon pulled away from the painting, gesturing all around him, “You got a nice place. Tall walls. People in here probably forget what the corpses look like...” he sat down on Gregory’s desk, getting really comfortable.

 

“Ah—“

 

“...what they smell like. Now, we were gonna kill them for you, to remind you of the service we can provide and you cleaned up the mess yourselves. Good on you.”

 

She was starting to wonder if it was Maggie and Sasha that cleaned up the mess and would Gregory sell them out?

“Well, we must have picked up some skills from your people.” He goes to sit down, “Uh, if you think about it...you still saved us, right?”

 

“Well, that’s a nice way to look at it. I appreciate that.”

 

Ada zoned out for a while as the two of them talked it out, before the sound of a door opening brought her back as Gregory walked out with Simon. She followed along as he walked over to door and opened.

 

“Are you serious...”

 

Ada walked over beside Simon, as she looked in the closet, “Oooh—boxes!” before Gregory grabbed onto a bottle and pulled it out.

 

“This is uh—“

 

“Scotch.”

 

“Well not just—“

 

“Hate the stuff. Tastes like, um, ashtrays and window cleaner. I’m a gin man. But this does look like it could harden a connoisseur. Wow. What a gesture.”

 

“You say you hate it?”

 

“Negan’ll love this. Now, I’m gonna say it’s from me, not mention you, okay? I really want the headline on this one.”

 

She looked over at Simon, but it didn’t surprise her that he’d want to take all the credit, it’s what they do best. Take. Take. Take... He went past him and grabbed onto the box, and looked at Gregory, “You want to slide that one back in?”

 

_Of course...why would someone want to give up their booze. Give him the bottle, Gregory._

“Sorry, I shouldn’t ask. You want to slide that one back in, period.”

 

Such fun he was having and she wanted to say something, but it’s not like it would go well for her if she did. Not with Simon and not with Negan...Especially Negan.

 

“This is big, Gregory. It’s huge. And I won’t forget it. I really, really appreciate this. Thank you.” He started to walk away from him, “Now, we’re gonna go through the place and talk half of everything you have. But only half.” He walked over and handed Ada the box, she felt the pain shoot through her right hand as she held the box.

 

_Keep it together, Ada._

 

If she dropped the box, it would be over for her. She held onto it tightly, trying to favour her left side, “Take that to the Negan truck, okay?”

 

She nodded her head and turned leaving the building.

 

_Which one is his truck..._

Simon’s voice caught her attention and she turned her head. He was talking to Gregory, “Could I just get a kneel out of you?”

 

“Excuse me.”

 

“Kneel.” Simon’s voice went low and Gregory’s eyes caught hers for a moment. She almost looked broken but turned her head away and headed back down to the trucks.

 

The bottles shook lightly as she made her way down, she didn’t know which truck was his. And at this point...she didn’t care and placed the box in the black truck. The relief from her hand felt like heaven. But the humiliation of Gregory having to kneel, bothered the fuck outta her. It’s not like she could have stopped it that would have been giving Simon attitude... And on top of the fact that Negan’s just waiting for her to come on home for their little “chat”

 

Simon came up to her, “You did good, rookie.”

 

Her right hand shook as she pulled down her sleeve to try and cover it, “Well, thank you for—showing me the ropes.”

 

He smiled and she fucking hated it. He reached in past her and grabbed onto the bottle of scotch, “Think you’ve earned yourself a drink—“

 

“No---“ his eyes pierced hers, “No thank you. That’s for Negan and I can’t handle scotch.”

 

“Yeah, but—what’s a little drink.”

 

Could she really decline? Or would he just give her a bad report and Negan would not be a happy camper. On the other hand, this was going behind his back anyways so...

 

_What’s the difference?_

Simon watched her, “If it’s a little drink then—why don’t you have some?”

 

“Nah, I’m a gin man.”

 

“And I’m all for vodka.” She needed to convince him, cause either she’s gonna take him down with her, or get in shit, “Come on, Simon. One little sip—“ she winked playfully.

 

_Oh my god...I don’t want to be flirting with this man._

“Well—“ he looked down at the bottle, “can’t deny a pretty lady, now can I?”

 

_Justify it all you want. Fucking drink._

He took a swig, regretting his decision for a few seconds and then handed it over to her, “Drink. Now.”

 

She grabbed the bottle with her left hand and took a swig, feeling the burning sensation crawl down her throat. Vodka was her thing because she could handle it. But scotch...now that was a different story. She crawled into the truck and sat in the back, staring out as they drove through the gates.

 

_You better hope you’ll make it through your chat._

She took a deep breath, starting to feel her head swim.

_Focus, Ada._

She pulled her sleeve up and looked down at her right hand, seeing how purple and red around her knuckles had become. She bent her fingers slowly. Did she break any bones? She wasn’t sure as there was very little pain shooting through her arm.

_I’ve healed! Oh no._

Her eyes watched as the trees went by, before a smile played along her lips.

_It’s too late now...isn’t it?_


	6. Chapter 6

They reached Sanctuary, but time didn’t matter to her. Everything seemed heavy, everyone’s voices seemed far away.

 

“Rookie!” Simon’s voice yelled at her, “You can leave the damn truck.”

 

_Oh...I better do that then._

She slowly hopped out of the car, “Come on—Negan wants to see us.” Simon walked over and grabbed the box of booze from the black truck.

 

_Hey you got it right!_

It felt like a goddamn dream as she walked along. For once, since everything happened, she felt at peace. She felt happy. Even the thought of talking to Negan didn’t bother her one bit, “It’s lovely out here, isn’t it?”

 

Simon chuckled, “Yeah. You really can’t handle scotch.”

 

“I told you that!” There was no point in fighting with him as they walked through the building and reached Negan’s room. They both walked in as he was slipping on a white shirt, she could see a bit of his muscles and some tattoos before they disappeared under the shirt.

 

“Welcome back!” he grinned when he saw how red Ada’s cheeks were and sauntered right over to her, “And how was our little fighter on today’s run?”

 

Simon looked down at her, “Great. Not a damn problem.” He gestured down at the box, “brought you back a little present.”

 

Negan pulled away to look in the box, “Damn, I love me some gifts. Don’t you doll?”

 

She nodded her head, where was her voice? Probably floating around the universe somewhere. However Negan had seemed put off by her silence.

 

“Are you in there, doll?” he got close to her and realized, “Is that scotch I smell?” He looked to Simon for a moment.

 

“Our gracious host at Hilltop offered us some scotch. She didn’t want to be rude by declining. Perhaps she should have.”

 

_Wow, he didn’t sell you out. Alright Simon, I still don’t fucking like you._

Negan licked his lips, his eyes watching hers, “Go and get some damn coffee from the kitchen.” He turned to Simon, “and leave the box here.”

 

“Sure, boss.” Simon placed the box down and left the room.

 

Negan shook his head, but still had a damn grin on his lips, “Baby doll—“ he placed a hand on her face, “Let’s get some damn coffee in you. And then we are gonna sit and talk about that hand of yours.”

 

Yes...her hand. The only reason she had to come here after the run. But something in her snapped, she grabbed onto his hand and pulled it from her face, “What’s there to talk about, Negan?”

 

He pulled his hand from hers, “Are you trying to piss me off?”

 

“I thought that’s what you liked? Being so angry that you can fuck away ALL your damn feelings.” She laughed and walked over to the couch, “Isn’t that what women are good for!?”

 

“You better stop it, doll.”

 

“Ladies and...ladies! The one and only man you can FUCK!”

 

_Ada...please try and come back to earth..._

_Or else you might die._

The space that was between them, closed really quick as he hurried over to her, pinning her between him and the back of the couch, his face just brushing hers, “That mouth of yours, is mighty feisty today.”

 

“Good,” she poked a finger against his chest, which caused more of an amused look than an angry one. “--cause you can go fuck yourself—“ This is why she didn’t drink scotch. The truth was never fun, except in this case, it could get her killed.

 

He laughed, how deep it was, how it vibrated against her. Her hands pushed against him and shoved him back into his bed. She needed to breath and he was always so fucking close! “Ooho, you really are a fighter, doll. I love that shit.”

 

Her head was swimming, she just wanted to breathe. But instead walked over and grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him close. Her lips just shy of his, as they both breathed hard. Except for the pain that now was starting up again in her hand again, “What do you want from me, Negan?" she didn’t give him time to answer, “To fuck me? To make me scream your name? To watch me be destroyed by the weight of your desire? Do you want me to be one of your many wives? Cause I _don’t_ and _won’t_ have time for that girly shit—“

 

His lips crashed onto hers in a bruising kiss, perhaps it was the only way to shut her up. He could taste the scotch as his tongue invaded her mouth. Her hands went to his belt unbuckling it quickly and slipped her hand down his pants, grabbing onto his cock. A low groan sounded from him. She was surprised when he didn’t pull away.

 

“Is that what you want? Tell me what you want, Negan.”

 

For once his smile didn’t seem unsettling. It felt comforting in a way, “I’d love to indulge in this little fantasy, baby doll. But you sure as shit need to sober up, now.”

 

She looked over seeing Simon with the coffee. How long had he been standing there for? And how long had Negan let him watch!

 

 “Thanks Simon.”

 

“Yeah...no problem.” He placed it down and went back out the door.

 

“I’m gonna need you to take your hand back, doll.” It’s almost as if Simon showing up, had sobered her up a little and pulled her hand out. She walked over to the couch and sat down, her hands folding together, “Goddamn. You’re a fireball!” he sat down across from her and poured her some coffee, before handing over the cup.

 

She reached her hands out and grasped onto it, his eyes catching onto her bruised hand. There was no point in lying, but maybe she could evade him?

 

“Now, about that hand.”

 

Her eyes stared down at the cup of coffee, “What about it?”

 

“I don’t take to people hurting themselves. You wanna hurt? Go and join the walkers outside. I don’t need that shit in here.”

 

“I did my job without any trouble. So why does it matter, Negan?”

 

“Oh, doll.” He got up and walked over to her side, “You wanna keep fighting me? You go right on ahead, cause I love this fire of yours. Makes fucking you, just that much sweeter.”

 

She couldn’t look at him, as her hands shook, taking a sip of coffee “Fuck you—“ her eyes looked up at his, they were glossed over, but no tears were falling, “What do you know of pain? Of why I fight?”

 

_You promised, Ada._

_You have to keep that promise._

 

For once he didn’t say anything; she had stumped the man. But she placed the coffee down, “Go fuck one of your wives. I heard blue balls aren’t good for your health.” She stood up from the couch and walked over to the door.

 

“You leave, when I goddamn say you leave.”

 

It didn’t matter anymore, right now, his words didn’t matter. She stopped at the door and rested her head against it, “Go ahead then.” And sighed in defeat, “Do what you want to me. I’m nothing. I was nothing when I was raped. And I am nothing now.” She heard his footsteps as they stopped right behind her, “Go on, Negan.” Her heart felt broken, her mind was still swimming with the damn scotch in her system.

 

“You must think I’m a goddamn monster.”

 

She didn’t want to turn around to face him, “Because bashing in someone’s skull, to the point where they’re unrecognizable, is not being a monster?”

 

_No! What the hell are you doing!_

_Do you want to die?_

_Is that what you truly want, Ada?_

She had struck a nerve and he was going to have none of it. He grinned for a moment and then stopped, “I see that Rick the Dick, fucking told you what happened. I gotta say doll. It’s nothing in comparison to what I could have done!”

 

“Which is what? Are you even human anymore? Do you even love anymore? Well I guess not when you have five goddamn wives—“

 

“Enough of that shit!”

 

“Maybe there was a good part of you, before all this and then this world did what it does best. It destroys people. That’s why I killed Lucy’s father...I had never hurt a single person, until this goddamn world fucking happened!” she slammed her fists against the door, feeling the pain in her right hand scream at her. Maybe she did break some bones. “Want to know the sick part? I enjoyed killing him. I enjoyed that I could get justice in a world where there is none.”

 

“And I took justice for the people Rick and his posse slaughtered in our complex. 47 men and women were murdered. He took our weapons and our resources. I punished those who took their lives. I took two of his men. It was more than payment enough.”

 

Well shit…she didn’t know anything about that and covered her mouth, not saying a word.

 

“Oh…” Negan licked lips and shook his head, “He didn’t say a _damn_ word about that to you, did he?”

 

_No, he didn’t…_

_He killed 47 people and for what?_

_For this shit to start!_

_God fucking damnit, Rick!_

“I didn’t know—“ she whispered sadly. Why would Rick tell her the truth? “Oh my god…”

 

Negan’s hands felt hot along her skin as pressed against her backside, his beard burning against the side of her neck, “Baby doll. _Baby doll_...” he whispered against her ear and grabbed onto her right wrist, looking at how bruised her hand was, "--No more of this shit.”

 

_If you live through this...You’re one lucky bitch._

She nodded in agreement, breathing lightly as he stood there with her. She was still drunk, and was going to need to lie down soon. After what she was told, she needed to relax. She needed to think, “I—I need to go—“

 

“Oho—“ his voice was soft against her ear, “You got me wrapped around your little finger, you know that?”

 A small laugh came from her, “I should go—“ He felt warm. So very warm, it’s like she could fall asleep right there.

 

“Thought women liked this crap.”

 

_You’d know that. Wouldn’t you, Negan?_

“I do.”

 

“Better see the doctor about your hand. Make sure to tell him, I sent you.”

 

“I—will—“ her energy felt like it was being sucked away.

 

_“Promise me, Ada! Promise me that you’ll—“_

She closed her eyes, feeling a few warm tears slide down her cheeks. It had been a long day, even though it wasn’t over. Even though she knew she had other things to do. But her eyes shut tightly, as she leaned into him and let sleep take over


	7. Chapter 7

_“Ada…I want to tell you something.”_

_“What is it?”_

_“Don’t let this world destroy you. It will always find a way to kick and rip at you.  But if you can always make a stand and keep standing…I know you’ll be alright. Sometimes we aren’t dealt the right cards in this life. Maybe we can try and make it good?”_

_“You’re probably right.” She sighed, “Where is this coming from? Are you alright?”_

_“It’s not too late for you, Ada. But it is for me.”_

_“You’re wrong. There is always time. And you, my friend, still have some.”_

 

 

Her eyes opened slowly as the smell of coffee invaded her senses. Where was she? Did someone bring coffee to her room? What the hell happened last night? And where was Lucy?

 

_Oh god…Lucy!_

But as she went to panic, she felt something heavy on her arm and looked over to the small child that was curled up in her arms, “Lucy—wait—“ she looked at the bed, “this isn’t my room.”

 

“Well ain’t that the truth.” Negan’s voice spoke through as she turned her head over to him, feeling embarrassed.

 

“Oh god— I’m so sorry—“

 

He smiled and wiped his face off from breakfast, “You slept like a goddamn log. Nothing and I repeat _! Nothing_ , woke you.” She sat on the edge of the bed, as he walked over to her, “I’m jealous, doll. If only I could do that shit.”

 

She went to grab Lucy when he pulled her back, “let her sleep. Come and eat something. Bet you’re starving.”

 

He didn’t need to sound so happy about it, but yes, she fucking was, “what happened last night?”

 

She didn’t remember a damn thing and even though something probably happened. She didn’t want to know.

 

“Go and see the doctor about your hand. Can’t fight, if you’re in pain, baby doll.”

_Yeah, because that would make me useless to you._

 

“Yeah. I will.” She stared down at the food and after a few minutes, she started to eat the pancakes and fruit on her plate, as they ate together in silence. Why couldn’t she remember anything from last night? “What happened last night?” her eyes looked up at him.

 

He sat back on the couch and grinned for a moment, “Well baby doll, we sure as hell didn’t fuck. If that’s what you were worried about.”

 

“No. I remember we talked.”

 

“Well, we did talk. But you mostly yelled at me.”

 

She covered her mouth, her eyes a bit wide. “Well—fuck.”

 

A laugh sounded from him as he sat forward, his eyes staring into hers, “Like I’ve said, baby doll. Got a fire burning inside of me—“

 

A loud thump cut him off, as she looked over to the bed and saw Lucy sat on the floor and rubbing her eyes, “Lucy—“ She hurried from the couch and picked her up and held her close, “It’s okay, little love.” It was probably a good time to go and made her way to the doors.

 

“Why did you name her Lucy?”

 

She stopped and turned to face him, “What’s wrong with her name?”

 

Negan walked over to Ada and stood close. Personal space meant nothing to this man, “Nothing. Just curious.” His eyes trailed over to Lucy’s for a moment and then back to Ada’s. He almost looked disturbed by something, but it’s not like he’d say anything to her about it.

 

“I like the name. It’s beautiful. Don’t you think?” and smiled softly.

 

His eyes looked away from hers and over to where Lucille sat, leaning against the couch, “Yeah. It is.”

 

Ada nodded her head and turned her attention back to the doorknob as her hand reached out to turn it.

 

“You better see the doctor today.” And the edge in his voice was back!

 

“I promise I will.”

 

“Also,” she turned back to face him again, “You can help Dwighty boy out today.”

 

“Okay.” Now she almost didn’t feel like leaving, like something was hanging in the air between them. But she shook the thought from her head. Suddenly feeling unwell, “Again, sorry for last night and thank you, for breakfast.”

 

_Go!_

_Go now!_

“You’re still in shit, baby doll.” There it is, “But since you’ve got that little angel with you. We can iron out the details later.”

 

“I didn’t think I wasn’t.”

 

_This is the longest goodbye EVER._

_Let’s go._

However she did turn again to face him again. She walked over to him, so very close to him as her eyes watched his. “Is there something you need, baby doll?” She cupped her hand against the side of his face and pressed her lips against his cheek, feeling his facial hair poke against her lips.

 

“You need to shave.” She whispered and pulled away as she walked out the doors and shut them. It felt good to be outside Negan’s room, as comfortable as it was, she needed to leave. Although she was very surprised that whatever happened last night, didn’t result in her demise. But it wasn’t like she was off the hook, they still had to discuss her _punishment_.

 

“Fuck—“ she whispered and headed towards the doctor’s office.

 

It was a relatively small room. But it had a medical bed, a locked up medicine cabinet and it felt intimidating as fuck to be in there. So it was all good. Ada placed Lucy down and walked over to the table.

 

“And what brings you in today—“ he stopped and looked at her, “Well you’re not one of his wives.”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” She grinned and then rolled her eyes, “Negan did send me.” And lifted up her right hand, “I—I need to see what damage was done.”

 

Dr. Carson walked over and grabbed onto her hand lightly, looking at the bruises, “did he do this to you?”

_Even if he had, there’s not much you could do. Now is there?_

 

“No…it was me.”

 

Both his hands touched and pressed the bones in her hand, “why?”

 

She cringed and wanted to pull her hand away, something was hurting in her hand, “because I was angry.”

 

“You’ve bruised the muscle pretty bad. As for your bones, I don’t feel any of them broken, but you may have bruised the bone. Hence the pain and coloration on your skin. I would highly recommend you don’t use that hand of yours for a few days.”

 

“Great…” she sighed, that seemed like it would be near damn impossible.

 

“Well, don’t punch anymore walls. You’re lucky you didn’t break any, if not, all your bones.”

 

“Is there anything you can do?”

 

Dr. Carson turned his head and walked over to the cabinet, “I could wrap it up. To relieve some pressure. But that’s about all it’ll do. Try not to lift anything heavy till it’s healed.”

Her gaze went over to Lucy as she laughed for a moment, “guess that includes her then?”

 

He walked back over with a wrap and grabbed onto her hand, wrapping the material around, “Unfortunately yes. So good luck with that one.”

 

It was her damn fault anyways. So it’s not like she could be mad at Dr. Carson, wasn’t his fault, “okay well, thank you for seeing me. I do appreciate it.”

 

“Have a good day, Ada.” She walked over to Lucy and bent down, unfortunately having to use her right hand to help pick her up. With little effort, she picked her up. He was right, it did relief some pressure. But it wasn’t enough. She left Dr. Carsons office and walked down the corridor,

 

“Gotta find Sara. And then I need to find Dwighty boy…”

 

_You said it like he does._

_What is wrong with you?_

She stopped at the end of the corridor and breathed out a heavy sigh, as Lucy grabbed onto her hair, pulling her back to reality, “No! Lucy, no!”

 

“No!” She heard her repeat back.

 

_Great. That’s just…great._


	8. Chapter 8

It felt like it took forever to find Dwight, since she had no fucking clue where he goes or works out of in the entire damn place. But after some time, she found a door leading to a stair well and walked through. The scent of cigarettes filled her nostrils.

 

_Who the hell is smoking in here?_

She turned the corner to see a woman standing there. Due to the lack of lighting, she didn’t know who it was. But she walked up the steps and stood in front of the woman.

 

_Looks like one of his wives._

“You must be the new girl.”

 

“Oh—“ she stuck out her hand, “I’m Ada.”

 

“I know who you are.”

 

Ada seemed confused. Was this woman mad at her? It’s not like she wanted to be spending time with Negan. But neither the less, she looked down at the pack of smokes, “may I?”

 

She opened it up and handed her one, “I’m Sherry.”

 

Ada lit up the smoke and inhaled it deeply. She had quit a few years before the apocalypse, but now it seemed like a breath of fresh air from where she stood, “I’ve seen you before. Glad to have a name to a face.”

They stood in silence, she didn’t know Sherry very well, however… it didn’t seem like she was the overly talkative type. And she didn’t look very happy either, “what happened to your hand?”

“Oh…” Ada looked down, “well I—“

_Was there really any point in lying to this woman? She looks as distraught as you do._

_I think it’s okay._

Ada took a deep breath, “I got upset the other night. I felt humiliated and angry…” Sherry watched her closely, “I thought it would easier if—“

 

“You hurt yourself.” She took a drag of her smoke, “I bet Negan didn’t like that.”

 

“Yeah—“ Ada kept her eyes on the floor, “he didn’t...” The nicotine was giving her a buzz in her head and it felt great.

 

_God it’s been so damn long. This almost feels nice._

“Do you like it being in that room?” Sherry looked at Ada., “with all the fancy bullshit pillows and the lies?” Sherry’s eyes shook a little, but she blinked back the sadness before she spoke.

 

“Can I trust you?” Ada nodded her head as Sherry continued, “I would rather—be out there with the walkers. Than be in here—“ She looked strong, like nothing could upset her. But in the end.

 

_Oh Sherry…_

Ada wanted to reach out and hug her, but at this point, it wouldn’t do her any good. Sherry finished off her smoke and placed the bud back in the pack. Before she left, her arms wrapped around Ada tightly, giving her a hug, “Don’t let him drag you in, Ada…” she pulled away and stopped at the bottom of the stairs, “or else you’ll never escape.” And left through the door, the bang echoing in her ears as it shut. Ada stood there for a few minutes, taking in her words.

 

_It’s too late for me, Sherry._

She sat down on the steps, taking a drag here and there. The door banged open after a couple of minutes and thought maybe Negan had come to find her. But no, it was Dwight, “what the hell are you doing here?”

 

“Looking for you. Negan told me to work with you today.” She took one last drag, and stuck out her hand, “Want the rest?”

 

He almost seemed hesitant about it, but walked up the steps and grabbed the smoke from her and leaned against the wall, “Yeah, thanks.”

“No problem.” They sat in silence together, she didn’t know Dwight at all. She had thought about chatting it up and getting to know him, but it didn’t seem like a good idea. She wanted to know and seemed like it was a crucial to know.

 

_Fuck it._

 

“What happened to your face?” Maybe she shouldn’t have asked, but she went forward, “and I’m not making fun of you, I just… want to know what—“

 

“You don’t know everything, do you?”

 

“I’ve only been here a few days.”

 

Dwight looked down at her hand, “what happened?”

“I asked you first.”

 

What was it that seemed so horrible about it? Perhaps it was better that she didn’t know. But he took a deep breath after taking a drag and spoke, “me, Sherry and her sister, tried to make a run from this place. We took some medicine and left.”

 

_Sherry? Was she…your wife?_

 

“Did Negan catch you?”

 

“No…we came back. Sherry’s sister didn’t make it… Begged for his forgiveness and the hot iron was my punishment. But I’m glad we came back.”

 

“Why?” Maybe she would get the hot iron…

 

“Because it’s better to be in here, than dead out there.”

 

She nodded her head, Sherry certainly didn’t agree with that and Ada was feeling the same way, “I— I punched the wall down in the shower stall.” He looked down at her, “that’s— what happened to my hand.”

 

_How many more people do you want to tell that story too?_

 

So much time passed as they stayed in the stairwell, knowing they’d have to leave. Knowing she’d have to get on with her day. She stood up and brushed herself off, “So— what are we doing?”

 

“Ever been to the cellar?”

 

That’s where he took her, she hadn’t been shown the place before, not even by Negan when he showed her around. They walked down the corridor, as Dwight made his way to one of the doors and opened it.

 

_Daryl!_

She looked down at him, and he didn’t look well at all. It looked like he had recently been beaten up, “wha—what happened—“

 

“Tried to get away. We had to teach him a lesson.”

 

Daryl looked up and her heart felt the strings tug and pull as she looked down at him. Her eyes wandering before her memory kicked in and Negans words flooded her mind.

 

_“And I took justice for the people Rick and his posse slaughtered in our complex. 47 men and women were murdered. He took our weapons and our resources. I punished those who took their lives. I took two of his men. It was more than payment enough.”_

She pulled away from the cell. Dwight giving her a look, “What the hell is wrong? It’s like you’ve seen a ghost.”

 

“I—I need to go and do something.” She turned around and went to move forward, when her body hit into something hard, she heard the small chuckle.

 

“I see Dwighty boy here, is showing you our prison system.”

 

_Just fucking great..._

“Yeah, it’s a—real homey down here.” She felt like running off, his words not letting up inside her head, “Really, I need—“

 

_“--the people Rick and his posse slaughtered--”_

 

Negan looked down at her, and grabbed onto her chin, making her look up at him. Her eyes were red and blurry with tears. “Oh—“ It was going to happen, he bend down close to her lips and watched her eyes, “Has seeing Daryl, reminded you of last night?”

 

“Please, Negan—“ she didn’t want to fall apart in front of him. She couldn’t, “let me go—“

 

“Well, since you’ve asked so nicely.” he smiled and pulled her lips in against his. She took in a moment of how he felt. Warm. Soft. Rugged. But it was too late for the tears that she tried to keep back as one slid down and grazed his cheek. She pulled away quickly. She wasn’t mad at Negan. But she was mad at Rick. Mad that all this bullshit had to start. Mad that he didn’t tell her that part of the fucking story. Mad that she _still_ couldn’t tell anyone the _truth_.

 

She hurried back to her room and slammed the door. Sara wasn’t there with Lucy, which she was grateful for. Her falling apart didn’t need to happen in front of her daughter. She walked over to the bedside table and pulled out the journal. Realizing she hadn’t written in it for quite some time and turned to a page to pull out a note, which was once white paper, but over the course of time, had tinted it yellow.

 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered out to the empty room, “I’ve been doing my best, but right now. It feels like I’m falling apart. It feels like I’m losing it here. I almost feel like I can’t keep doing this for much longer. It’s hard.” her fingers ran along the dented ink on the paper, “I am trying. But now...I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

 

A knock sounded at her door, and she quickly placed the journal back in the bedside table, because whoever was on the other side of that door, was not going to wait for her to say come in.

 

And she was right.

 

Negan walked into her room and shut the door, “How interesting, I thought people came to you. Not the other way around.”

 

He grinned and rested Lucille against the wall, “Well damn, baby doll. I am here out of the kindness of my heart.”

 

_You have kindness?_

_You have a heart?_

_Where?_

 

“Why, cause you’re a stand-up guy?”

 

His laugh, though it wasn’t all that bad, and was more bearable than Simon’s, but it still didn’t feel good. He sat down on the bed beside her, “Look, I get it.” She turned to look at him, he sounded so...nice? Why is he being nice? “It’s not easy to find out that the people you’ve been shacking up with are the reason you are here.”

 

_They’re not the reason I’m here._

“You think I wanted to this to happen?”

 

“No one _wants_ things to happen, Negan…” she took in a deep breath, “you think I wanted to be raped? No, it happened because— people just ain’t no good.”

 

“I know, its scary. But—“ he placed his hand on her cheek, “you’re on the right side, doll.” His thumb wiping away some tears, “you’re safe.”

 

_Yeah...but are you?_

She nodded her head, “Yeah.”

 

He pulled her head in and lingered above her lips, he was so damn intimidating. But it seemed his charming good looks could get him out of anything.Her eyes ran up to his, taking him in. It felt like they stayed like that for a long time, until he finally asked. “Who are you?”

 

“Negan.” It sounded like a sigh when she said it.

 

But he grinned and pulled her hard against his lips. He pushed her down onto the bed and pinned her down. Watching her chest rise and fall with each breath, her lips pink with a ting of moisture from his own, “hot damn—“ he bend down and devoured her lips again. Her hands slid up to push off his leather jacket, which he discarded easily. She moaned softly as he unbuttoned her jeans and slipped a hand down and into her panties.

“Negan—“ she whimpered.

 

“Still need to discuss that punishment of yours…”

 

Her fingers ran through his hair before gripping tightly onto the back of his head. She could feel his cock pressing against his pants. It’s not like he didn’t want anything, it’s not like he didn’t want her. But this was all a game to him. And that made her hurt and angry.

 

“Baby doll—“ he groaned as his fingers slid along her wet cunt, before he slid one finger into her and then another, “always ready for me..” as he hooked his fingers and slid them in and out, hitting that sweet spot.

 

“Oh god—“ she cried out and pulled him close, resting his head against hers. He continued that for some time, before the pad of his thumb pressed against her clit and slowly rubbed it in circles, her body twitching and thriving beneath him.

“What do you want?” He whispered against her lips, “tell me—“

 

“You—“ she breathed out, “only you—“

 

_Whoa, don’t go that far…_

He chuckled, feeling her walls tighten around his fingers. A part of her knew what was coming next as she was almost there… he slipped his fingers out as a frustrated growl sounded from her. But her grip wouldn’t let up on him. She was tired of this. Through the anger and sadness that she felt, she found her voice, “What the fuck do you want, Negan?” His eyes looked down at her, “tell me what _you_ fucking _want_.”

 

_I— I can’t do this anymore._

There were no words exchanged as he got off of her and pulled her away from the bed, out of her room and down the corridor. They ran into one of his men and they exchanged a few words before they went into the shower room. Not a single soul in sight.

 

“Take off your clothes, doll.”

 

A part of her wanted to hesitate, but she slowly pulled off her clothing and hung it over the edge, slipping off everything until she stood naked. A chill ran down her spine.

 

_Fuck its cold down here..._

She turned to look at him, this was the first time she’s been naked in front of anyone. Negan walked over to her as he slipped off his shirt, “Turn on the water—“ he turned away and put his shirt down on the bench and slowly unbuckled his belt, “Make sure it’s hot, baby doll.” The metal from the tap felt frozen against her skin as she turned it to hot, feeling the temperature change from cold, to hot. The water hit hard against her skin as she stood there, feeling as if it was burning her skin before she felt Negan come up behind her. His hands felt cold against her as he hummed in her ears, “Goddamn—“ he turned her around and pushed her against the wall. His eyes looked at hers, “This is what I want—“ he bend his head down and kissed her lips for a moment before trailing down her neck, between her breasts, down her stomach and kneeling on the floor.

 

Her cheeks were burning red as she looked down at him.

 

_What is he doing?_

 A grin played along his lips before he pushed his face into her cunt, “N—negan—“ she felt her legs buckle, and looked around to hold onto something. His tongue ran along her folds, licking in every inch of her. The tip of his tongue prodded against her entrance, as he pushed hard against her. Her fingers locked into his hair, “Oh---god—“

 

“Mmm—“ his tongue ran up along her clit, licking and sucking before two fingers slid into her cunt. Negan looked up at her and pulled away for a moment, his fingers thrusting hard inside, “Do you want to cum?”

 

“Y—yes—“

 

“How bad—“ she didn’t know how much longer she’d be lasting, “tell me.” He groaned and moved against her cunt, running his tongue along her.

 

“please—Negan—“ she took a moment to try and breathe, “I’m so close—please—I—“ her legs were feeling weak, how much longer could she take of this? “I want to cum—please Negan—“

 

He licked her vigorously, taking in the taste of her juices as they soaked his beard. Thrusting harder and faster, “Cum for me.”

 

The heat that pooled in her stomach spread through her legs, as her cunt tightened around his fingers. For a moment she was worried he was going to pull away and leave her a hot panting mess. But he didn’t and held her there tightly as she rode out her orgasm, her moans echoing throughout the room.

Negan pulled away and slid up her body, the water making the contact more sensual as he stood up, pressing against her. Her breathing heavy as she tried to calm herself down. but her eyes trailed down to his thick cock, throbbing and dripping with his own lust.

 

“Negan...” she pulled him in for a kiss, tasting her own juices. He moaned, letting her tongue dance with his before he pulled away.

 

“Satisfied?” he whispered.

 

“What about you?”

 

This was driving her crazy. Of course she wanted him, she wanted... “Another time, doll—“ his body was hot against hers and she could feel his cock pressing against her entrance. She slipped her hand down and grabbed onto him, a low groan sounded from him as she moved her hand, stroking every inch of him.

 

“Don’t—you want me?” she purred against his lips.

 

“It’s taking a lot doll. For me not to—“ he moaned against her, before she pulled away and left the stall. He laughed and turned his head, “Damn tease—“

 

“Well, I did learn from the best.” She winked and grabbed onto her clothes. It didn’t take long for him to follow behind, as they both changed into their clothing.

 

_Don’t you dare._

_Don’t you dare start to like him._

_He’s like smoking. It’s bad for your health!_

As she went to leave, his hand reached out and grabbed onto her, pulling her back against him, “Negan—“

 

“What, baby doll?” his eyes were clouded with lust and desire, as he pulled her in, “What are you doing--“ he stopped as he looked at her, something flashed in his eyes, but she couldn’t understand what, “—to me.”

 

“Negan?”

 

_What is wrong with him?_

_Wait...does he--_

She went to reach out, but he pulled away and a part of her ached. What was wrong with him? What the hell happened that’s made him...act different?

 

“I’ve got things to do. I’ll—“ he turned away from her, “—talk to you later, doll.”

 

The dripping of water echoed loud in her ear as she stood there in the afterglow of what happened. But she didn’t feel good, she felt...sad. Her right hand trembled as she looked at the shower wall, contemplating and wondering if she should, “No—“ she whispered to herself and left the shower room.

 

_Maybe he knows..._

_Nothing bothers him. But something did, so..._

_What was it?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is more to come! <3 Hope you've been enjoying it thus far. ^_^


	9. Chapter 9

If Ada was some version of the plague, then Negan was doing damn well to avoid her. They were half way into the next day and hadn’t seen the damn asshole at all. Perhaps maybe everything was working out the way it should then. She shook her head; this shouldn’t be bothering her, who cares! That man isn’t in her personal space and for once, it felt a little nice.

 

“Rookie!”

 

_DAMN IT!_

_Why Simon...why did it have to be you._

“Hey...you!” he almost seemed off put by that wording, “what do you need?”

 

“We have a large truck coming in from a run and need some help unloading.”

 

“And let me guess—“ she pointed at him, “you shouldn’t have to ask, right?”

 

“Yeah—see you’re catching on.”

 

“Lead on, Simon.” She rolled her eyes the minute he turned his back to her. She didn’t like that man on damn bit. And ever since the damn incident at Hilltop with the flirting and getting him to have a drink, well...he just always kept giving her looks.

 

They walked outside as the truck pulled in and she headed down the steps, as they opened the doors. A few men crawled into the back and everything was silent before the sound of rifle fired off several times. Ada pulled out her pistol and pointed it at the truck before she watched as Carl came out into view, holding the rifle tightly.

 

“Stay back! Drop your weapons.” His eyes caught Ada’s for a moment, he gun still pointing at him.

 

“Carl—“ she whispered and shook her head. Her eyes trying to plead with him silently.  

 

“I only want Negan. He killed my friends. No one else needs to die.”

 

She kept her gun pointed until the sound of Negan’s whistling, caught her attention. He walked through the crowd and lightly pulled Ada in front of him. He pulled her close as he watched Carl, “Damn. You are adorable. Did you pick that gun ‘cause it looks cool? You totally did, right?”

 

_This isn’t helping. This isn’t helping at all, Negan._

_And as much as you’d like to be upset about being a human shield..._

_Carl wouldn’t shoot you._

_...Right?_

“Kid, I ain’t gonna lie—you scare the shit outta me.”

 

Carl pulled the trigger again, shooting the guy in front of him as Dwight threw himself at Carl and tackling him to the ground. Fighting until Dwight grabbed onto the ground and pointed the gun at him, “Kid—“

 

“No!” Ada yelled as Negan stepped in.

 

“Dwight. Back off.”

 

_Thank god..._

 

Negan walked over to Carl and extended his hand, “Is that any way to treat our new guest?”

 

_Come on, Carl..._

_Take his fucking hand..._

“Come on, kid. I will show you around.” Carl reached his hand out and grabbed onto Negan’s as he pulled him up.

 

Ada walked over to them, giving Carl a knowing look. Negan wrapped his arm around her shoulder and walked a little ways with her from the group, “I’d like it if you could go with Simon today on a run. Find some supplies.”

 

“Yeah—I can do that.” NO she didn’t want to fucking leave, especially with Simon and what the hell was he gonna do to Carl? Was he trying to get rid of her?

 

But his grip didn’t let up as he looked down at her eyes, “I think, I’ll be paying a little visit to Alexandria later.” As he motioned over to Carl, “You better be waiting at my doors when I return, baby doll.”

 

Ada bit her bottom lip, which caused a low groan to sound from him. Now she kind of felt stupid for the way she was feeling, “You have my word” and whispered against his ear, “Do I really have to go with Simon?”

 

 He laughed and grinned and pulled her closer, his breath tickling her skin, “You really do, doll.”

 

“Damn it—“ she groaned and grabbed onto his jacket as he went to leave, “Please don’t hurt him, Negan. He’s just a kid.”

 

He looked down at the grip on his jacket, and now she was wondering if that had been a good idea, “Don’t worry your pretty little head.” he licked his lips, “Go on, baby doll—I’ll see you later.” He pressed his lips softly against her cheek from the view of everyone else.

 

_No, couldn’t have sent me on a run with Dwight, or Gavin or ANYONE ELSE but Simon._

She walked away from Negan and over to the Trucks where Simon and a few others were waiting. She looked behind her for a moment and watched Negan walk with Carl into the building. But not before he turned around to look at Ada one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's super short, but there's more! :D


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Rape

“Are we there yet?”

 

“What are you, five?” Simon was not in a good mood today!

 

“No, I’m asking a question.” She sat back in her seat and stared out the window as they drove.

 

“Should be there in about 5 minutes.” Not that it mattered the time, she didn’t even know what time it was. There was no clock in her room, she had zero concept of time at this point in her life.

 

They truck drove up to a “Bill’s Pharma”

 

“Don’t you think this place has already been raided?” Ada said as she climbed out of the truck and walked over.

 

“Nope, this was scouted about a week ago. The doors are barred and everything is either barred or covered with metal.”

 

She nodded her head and walked over to the doors, “So then, how do we get in without alerting every walker around here for miles?”

 

Simon walked over to her, “That’s where you come in—“ he shoved his hunting knife into her hands, “Have at it.”

 

“Have at what, Simon? The doors are metal and if you think I’m crawling my relatively fat ass up there, well you’re shit outta—“ he really wasn’t in the mood for any shit as he pulled out his gun and pointed it at her.

 

“Move—“

 

“Are you kidding me?”

 

“Does it look like I’m laughing?”

 

“Asshole—“ she whispered under her breath and walked around the building, trying to find a way in. It was secured up pretty good but were there people in there or maybe walkers? She hollered when she saw a ladder, unfortunately it was high up and barred up from anyone.

 

“Well good job—“ Simon walked over to her, “think you can climb it.”

 

“Should be—able to. Gonna need a boost though and I’m sure you can’t lift my—“

 

He got into position and locked his hands together, “I’m only doing this once, Rookie. Better make it fucking count.”  

 

_Oh god..._

_You’re not that heavy..._

_He’ll make it._

She went over to him and stepped onto his hand as he pushed up as far as he could and she threw herself up and grabbed onto the bars. The weight of herself pulled down hard, “F-fuck—“ she gritted through her teeth and slowly pulled herself up, climbing onto the roof.

 

_Work out some more, geez..._

Her muscles shook as walked over to the opening in the roof, “There’s a window here...” and tried to peek in, only a small amount of light from the outside lit up the place, “god...that’s dark...” she went back over to Simon, “Got a flashlight?”

 

“Do I look like I have a flashlight?”

 

“I’m sorry. It sounded like you don’t have one. Who doesn’t have a flashlight during an apocalypse, when there is no POWER!”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“Goddamn it, Simon!”

 

He laughed and laughed as she walked over to the skylight and hopped into the building. It wasn’t a far drop, maybe 30 feet. But it was dark as fuck as she stood in the light, wondering if anyone or anything was in there with her, “Fuck—“ she walked over and looked to the windows, some light ran along the cracks, but not enough to see anything. She made her way through, holding her knife out as she walked through the building.

 

_“Ada, do you ever feel lonely?”_

_“Oh—some days more than others. But don’t we all have to learn to be lonely. Isn’t it a part of life?”_

_“That’s bullshit. Why do we have to face our greatest fears alone?”_

_“So you can survive. So you can know that when the pain is so unbearable, when you feel like nothing else matters...that you can pull through and sometimes, you don’t.”_

_“The more I go through this life, Ada. The more I believe that I was meant to do this alone.”_

_“But...you’re not alone. Right?”_

_“I think...I am.”_

She made her way to the door and ran her fingers along it, trying to look for the lock. This was the longest she had been in the dark. The longest she had to go without any sort of help. The fear was building up as she moved her hands along till she found the knob for the lock and turned it, “Oh thank—“

 

The sound of a walker closed in behind her and grabbed onto shoulder, she turned around and shoved the walker back only the black shadow of its silhouette marched it way back towards her. “fuck off—“ her voice quivered as she grabbed onto its head and stabbed the knife into it. She turned back to the door and pulled on it, as hard as she could, some more light pouring into the build, “I can see!”

 

“Nice job.” some of the other men pushed against the door from the outside, finding it easier to see now. Simon walked in with the others as they went through and swept the place for both supplies and walkers. Simon walked over to her, “See this is good work. This is what makes me happy. Good team work.”

 

_Or pointing a gun at my face, makes for GREAT teamwork._

“Speaking of that—“ she was cut off as she felt Simon’s gun pressing into her side.

 

“Let’s go check over there.” He motioned over to a room. Nothing about what was happening felt safe or good...Now wished she had said no to Negan and dealt with the punishments later. They walked over to the room as she opened the door slowly, checking for any walkers. He nudged the gun against her as she walked in and Simon shut the door, “Check for walkers.”

 

“Simon—“

 

“Do it.”

 

_You’re going to die...this is how you go..._

_By this sick prick._

She walked around and checked it all, “It’s clear.”

 

“Good.” He smiled and it made her want to cry. Why were they in here? Even though a part of her had some idea.

 

“What do you want, Simon?”

 

He walked close to her and pushed her against the wall, “Negan’s not here...”

 

“Oh god—“ her eyes shook, her mind was wandering. How could she get out?

 

“And since he’s not here... You’re fair game—“

 

“Don’t you touch me.” She cried out as his hand grasped tightly onto her neck.

 

“Too bad.” He placed his gun down as he grabbed onto his knife she had, and cut open her shirt, “Too fucking---bad.”

 

_Please..._

_Please not again..._

_Negan..._

He threw her down onto the floor and crawled down between her legs before he cut through her jeans, not wanting to waste any time, “now stay still.” He whispered against her ear and heard the sound of his belt and zipper, “I’m gonna fuck you.” She felt the invasion of his cock thrust inside her, “Better than he ever can.”

 

_Close your eyes and it’ll all be over soon._

_Close your eyes, Ada._

_It’ll be okay._

_Close your eyes..._

 

It was dark by the time they returned to Sanctuary. She climbed out of the truck and slowly made her way to the entrance where Dwight stood waiting.

 

“He wants—“

 

_Not now, Dwight._

 

“I know.” She pushed through her teeth and hurried past him. What was she going to tell Negan? Simon had already threatened her with killing her daughter. So what could she really do? She stood outside his door and wiped away the tears that threatened to fall.

 

_You can make it through._

_Make it through and you can go._

_Go to your room and hug your daughter._

The knock seemed so heavy, but the sound of his voice came through, “Come in, doll.” Did he really know it was her? Could have been anyone standing outside his door.

 

She walked in; his head was in some papers that were scattered around the table. He looked so deep in whatever it was. Until he looked up at her with a smile, however it faded quickly seeing the condition she was in. He stood up quickly and went over to her, how he knew, she’d never know, “Who touched you?”

 

Her face scrunched up in pain as angry tears slid down her red cheeks, “why do you care—“

 

_He’s not the person you should be mad at..._

“I don’t condone rape.” His eyes looked into her red swollen ones, as more tears escaped her eyes, “tell me who did this.”

 

But she was shaking too much. She didn’t even want to be standing anymore. She wanted to see Lucy and hold her tightly and forget it ever happened. Negan looked angry, thought not at her and wrapped his arms tightly around her and pulled her close. Her hands slid up his back and gripped onto his shirt.

 

_Don’t cry..._

_Fighters don’t cry..._

 

“Tell me.”

 

_He sounds concerned._

_It’s nice._

 

“I can’t—“ she whispered into his chest, “he said he’d kill Lucy...”

 

“Oh doll—“ he tilted her head up to look at him, “do you really think, I’d let that happen?”

 

“No...but I can’t risk that.”

A part of her wanted—no—needed him to stop asking. It didn’t matter, she wasn’t going to say anything, not until she needed too. But who knows when that would be. She hadn’t realized she was staring off into space, or to be exact, Negan’s eyes. He pressed his lips softly against her forehead and walked her over to the couch, “let’s get you out of those clothes...”

 

“Yeah...” she grabbed onto her shirt and slipped it off, before she slipped off her jeans and there was some bruising along her hips. Her eyes caught Negan’s, seeing the way he was looking at her, “Don’t look if it makes you uncomfortable.”

 

“Keep undressing—I’ll be back.”

 

She heard the door shut and once the silence hit her ears, her body crumbled onto the floor. A gut wrenching sob escaped from her lips, “Goddamn it!” she screamed and slammed her fists into the floor and felt immediate regret as her right hand flared up in pain, “Fuck—“ she sat back and leaned against the wall and curled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. Her body shook as the tears fell from her face, the sound of her agony echoed within the room.

 

_It’s okay..._

_You’re safe now._

Negan walked back into the room with some clothes and looked to see Ada curled up on the floor, “Doll—“

 

She couldn’t hear him, wherever she was in her mind. She couldn’t hear him, she couldn’t hear anything... He walked over and bent down in front of her.

 

_I think he’s back, Ada._

Her eyes were so swollen and red as she looked at him, he was so close. He didn’t look angry. He wasn’t trying to be a dick or intimidate. He looked distraught. Ada didn’t know what else to do except wrap her arms tightly around his shoulders and pull him close to her. His arms wrapped around her waist as he nuzzled his face into her neck.

 

“I brought some clothes.”

 

“Thank you—“ she whispered.

 

_It’s okay..._

_I think you should tell him._

_I think he’s the only person you can tell..._

 “It was Simon.” She said through a shaky breath, “he—“

“Shh, doll...” his arms tightened around her as his lips came up to her ear, “he’s a dead man.”

 

For once his words actually comforted her, “I’m sorry for all of this—“

 

Negan shook his head and helped her off the ground, “Get dressed.” But she didn’t move from him, keeping a grip on his arms.

 

“Negan—“ she moved close to him and cupped his face, finally realizing he had shaved. “Your beard—“

 

“You said I should shave, baby doll.”

 

A small smiled came across her lips, causing him to smile, “kiss me—“

 

“I think you should—“

 

“Please—“ she watched his eyes, “Please, I need you—I need to—“ He pressed his lips deeply against hers as her fingers slid into his hair and pulled him hard against her.

 

“Damn baby doll—“ he whispered against her lips, “I _really_ hate to say this, but we shouldn’t—“

 

“Please—I want you, Negan.” There was such tension between them and all she wanted was for him to touch her. To fuck her. Anything to get the feel of Simon off of her, “I want to forget what he—“

 

Negan pulled her over to his bed as he slipped off his shirt. Her hands roamed along his chest, feeling his skin and looking at his tattoos, “you’re so decorated.”

 

He grinned at the word she used and slipped his arms around her, pressing his lips against her neck as he moved her onto the bed. But instead of crawling between her legs, he laid down beside her, like two damn girls at a sleep over.

 

“Negan?”

 

He reached out and pulled her close, “Gotta say, doll.” He teasingly brushed his lips along hers, “as much as I want to fuck your brains out. You’re upset and have every damn right to be.” His eyes went down to the bruising that lined her hips. He was angry, just as much as she was, “But when I have you. It’ll be all of you.”

 

He was right, it probably wasn’t a good idea. As much as she wanted him, what good would it do right now? She pressed her lips against his, moving as close as she could, “you’re right...”

 

“I’m always right.” He winked playfully. “Now where’s my fighter?”

 

She closed her eyes, “I don’t know. She’s in there. Somewhere...” her hands cupped his face, feeling the roughness of his skin, “And don’t you send me with Simon, ever again. Or I’ll cut your nuts off...”

 

“Well goddamn doll. Look at you threatening to cut off my nuts.” Even without the beard, his smile was just as sinister and handsome.

 

_It’s probably been a while since you’ve done something like this, Negan._

_Just laying here and enjoying the company._

_It’s nice and it’s so human of you._


	11. Chapter 11

Throughout the next day, at least for most of it, Ada sat around thinking. She needed to get away for a few days. Maybe...maybe she could go back to Alexandria? Rick wasn’t the type to sit back and let things happen. For a little while he would, but then he’d come crashing back with harder force and who knew what he was planning on doing. But it made her nervous and it made her want to go and find out what it was. She rested her head in her hands, remembering the first time she met Rick.

 

**** **_1 year ago._ **

_Her feet felt heavy as she carried both her and the weight of her two year old on her back. It was endless walking, with no chance of stopping. Lucy was fast asleep on her back as she walked along the road._

_“Fuck—“ she whispered out. Where the hell could they sleep for the night? Where was safe? Lucy would need to eat soon, but where could she stop? Her feet hit hard against the ground as she made her way. The road seemed pretty clear, minus the few walkers that were around._

_“It’s okay, Lucy...” she needed someone to talk too other than her daughter, “We’ll find somewhere safe. If it’s the last thing I do...” which would probably be the case at rate they were going. But she was tired and needed to sleep. So it was inevitable what came next. A walker that had been mashed into the ground, reached its hand out and grabbed onto her ankle. “Shit—“ she yelled out and fell down. Lucy stirred in her sleep before the sound of wailing came from her, “Lucy—it’s okay—“ A group of walkers made their way towards them, she couldn’t move. The energy she had was gone._

**_We fought hard and long..._ **

****

**_Maybe it’s time to let go..._ **

****

_The sound of Lucy’s crying broke her heart and caused a few tears to slide down her face. The sound of a gunshot went off as a walker fell down onto the ground. Each shot fired took out a walker. Through her tears she couldn’t see much, other than a few people grab onto her and lift her up. Their voices seemed far away, but maybe she was finally feeling relief that she could relax. The weight from her back lifted._

_“Hey now—shh...” it was a man’s voice, was he talking to Lucy? “get them back to the van.”He walked over to Ada and rested his hand on her neck, prompting her to look at him, “It’s okay. You’re safe.” He sounded so nice._

_“T—thank you—“ her voice was so quiet as they all walked back towards the van and as soon as her body touched the floor, darkness and silence took over._

_When she woke, the sound of running water could be heard. She pushed herself up off the couch and looked around._

_“Lucy!” panic ensued as she got up and left what was the living room and walked into the kitchen. There was a woman standing there, brown hair and wearing glasses, a little on the bigger side. She saw Ada and smiled._

_“Oh, you’re finally up.”_

_“Where’s Lucy?” she could ask other questions later. The woman pointed over to the carpeted area, where both Lucy was with another child._

**_She’s okay..._ **

****

_Relief fell on her as she walked over to the woman, “I’m Ada.”_

_“Olivia.” She smiled, “you were out for quite a while. Guess you didn’t sleep much, huh?”_

_“How long?”_

_“It’s been about two days.”_

_Wow...two days...She must have really needed sleep, “It’s been a while since I’ve slept properly...” she smiled and walked over to Lucy to pick her up, “should we go outside?” The air felt fresh against her face as she walked outside with Lucy and onto the porch, “It’s beautiful here...I can breathe.”_

_“Olivia,” the voice sounded familiar to her, as a man walked up with a few other people. “You’re awake.”_

_“That seems to be the running news around here.”_

_He walked over to her, “I’m Rick. This is Daryl, Michonne, Glen, Maggie and this is my son, Carl.”_

_“Well, thank you. Lucy and I would be dead if it weren’t for you...To be honest, I was at the end of my rope, wasn’t sure I’d make it out...” she looked down at Lucy, who had fallen asleep in her arms._

_“You’re safe here.” She looked at Rick and placed Lucy down in one of the chairs, before she walked over and hugged Rick tightly._

_“I don’t have much of anything, anymore. It’s just me and Lucy.” She pulled away and wiped the tears from her eyes._

_“That’s alright...” he placed his hands on her shoulders, “we’ll be your family.”_

A few tears slipped down her face and quickly wiped them away as she sat on Negan’s bed contemplating her decision. If she did this...there would be no going back. She’d be an enemy to Rick and everyone she had made friends with. They wouldn’t be her family anymore... She sat for such a long time that Negan ended up coming back.

 

“You know, baby doll.” She looked over at him, “You were allowed to leave earlier. As much as I appreciate you being naked and waiting in my bed.”

 

“Oh—I wasn’t--“ had it been that long? She looked over at the clock.

 

_3 hours!_

_Time flies when you’re contemplating betrayal._

“Sorry, lost track of time.”

_But haven’t you already?_

His presence always either worried her, or aroused her. But she watched as he walked over to his drawer.

_You know why you’re here, Ada..._

_And maybe that’s just how it has to be._

“Actually—“ she stood up from the bed and grabbed onto the clothing he left for her, “I wanted to run by a plan with you—and you don’t look pleased about that.”

 

“Doll, I got my main men. You need to relax.”

 

She slipped on the jeans and the white t-shirt. Was this one of his? Sure smelled like him, “As long as Simon is running around here...I can’t.”

 

Negan walked over to her and looked down at her, “What is this plan of yours, baby doll?”

 

“Surveillance.”

 

“On who?”

 

“Rick and friends.” 

 

He seemed off put by it and walked over to the couch to sit down, “What, you missing your buddies?”

 

“Don’t do that shit, Negan.” She walked over and sat down beside him, “I’m on your side. I am Negan.” She straddled his hips and looked down at him, cupping his face in her hands, “Ever since you told me about the attack on the outpost...I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want that to happen again...” she closed her eyes trying to figure out what to say, “Rick is gonna be planning, Negan. It’s easier that you let me do this.”

 

“Easier? Doll—“

 

“Please. Let me do this.”

 

Perhaps she shouldn’t have straddled him as it was turning her on, “You do enough. You don’t need to prove--”

 

“Negan!” her voice waivered a bit, which caught his attention, “How many more are going to be slaughtered? I’m afraid.” She nuzzled her nose lightly against his before her lips pressed against his, “I don’t want to lose you.”

 

He smirked as he held her close, “Who says you will?”

 

_God..._

_The universe._

_The horrible wrenching feeling in my gut..._

“It’ll work. I can blend in. It’ll be like I never left them.” She couldn’t believe him, “Why aren’t you jumping at this opportunity?”

 

“I have my men. They’re a dime a dozen, doll. But you—“ he grabbed onto her chin, “--are not.”

 

“Your men, can’t blend in like I can...You need to let me do this.”

 

“I _need_ to? You don’t give orders around here. I give the goddamn orders.”

 

“You want a person on the inside, Negan? I am that person!”

 

“Doll—“

 

“Do you honestly think you scared Rick? That he’s not going to try and come for you or fight you?” he looked annoyed with her, but she persisted, “I can do this. Please.”

 

The look he had finally gave way and sat up pulling her close as the pad of his thumb ran along her lips, “Have it your way, baby doll. But you better come back to me.”

 

She nodded her head and stayed in his lap, not wanting to move, “if you can get someone to drive me halfway there, I’ll walk the rest...” the possibility of them finding out she’s spying, may be a small chance, but a part of her worried. She pulled away from him and walked over to the door.

 

“Dwight can take you there.”

 

“Okay...” she looked over at him, what if she dies and never comes back? What if Rick keeps her as a hostage if they find out? Her hand was on the doorknob, but she couldn’t turn it and didn’t _want_ to turn it, “Make sure Lucy is alright...”

 

_If Rick finds out..._

_He just might kill you._

 

Negan stood up from the couch and walked over to her and pushed her lightly against the door, “I’ll make sure to have Dwight and a few others waiting for you in 2 days...Think you can make it out, doll?”

 

“IF I don’t...I’ll probably die. Or I’ll be used as a playing chip.” It was a grim reality. One she knew could happen.

 

“No. You’re not allowed to die.” He bent down a little ways and stopped a few inches from her face, “I need you back. So you better _fight_.” She moved forward and pressed her lips against his, deeply and roughly. His tongue invaded her mouth and his scent invaded her senses.

 

_Don’t go..._

_Don’t get mixed up in this war..._

 

“I will...” she whispered and turned her attention back to the door and opened it, “But if I don’t make it back—“

 

“Don’t say that shit,” he rubbed his chin and looked at her from the corner of his eye, “I _will_ see you in a few days.”

 

She smiled softly as she shut the door behind her. She lingered there for a few minutes, if she didn’t move he’d come out and wonder why she hadn’t left.

 

_You can’t let that happen..._

_Come on..._

_It’s time to pack._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is ALL I have written right now. Starting the next chapter like shortly. So hoping to have some more up by the end of the weekend. <3


	12. Chapter 12

“You’re okay to watch her then?”

 

Sara held onto Lucy and bounced her on her lap. Ada thought she was gonna have to ask again when she finally answered, “Oh yeah—“ she paused looking at Lucy. A worrying voice echoed in Ada’s head looking at the two of them, “--she’s been great. And I do earn points for doing this. So it’s fine...”

 

_Is Sara alright?_

_She’s acting different..._

_Maybe you shouldn’t leave Lucy with her._

_But there’s no one else..._

 

Ada walked around the room, packing clothing and a few other things. She went over to the bedside table and pulled out her journal before shoving it into her bag, “Take good care of her...” she went over to Lucy and picked her up, hugging her tightly, “ I love you.” she whispered and pressed lips against her soft cheek.

 

_You’re afraid you won’t make it back, aren’t you?_

_But something else is bothering you..._

_What is it?_

“No!” Lucy replied back, making Ada smile.

 

“I should have never used that word in front of you...” she kissed her one last time and handed her back over to Sara. “Take care you two...” she stopped outside of her door and took one last look at Lucy and took one last look at the way Sara was looking at Lucy.

 

She walked through the corridors and outside to the main entrance, over to where Dwight stood. “You ready?”

 

“Yeah.” She stopped and threw her backpack into the back of the truck. Dwight climbed into the driver’s seat, waiting for Ada to get in. She walked over to the door and opened it, hesitating for a moment as she looked behind her. Her eyes wandered over to the doors just as Negan was walking out. He made his way towards them, “Didn’t think I’d be seeing you so damn soon.”

 

A small grin played along his lips, “Well doll, I wanted to say thank you.” He walked close to her, “I know this isn’t easy. I appreciate it.”

 

_No, it’s not easy. None of this is…_

_It will never be easy…_

 

“Negan—“ she placed her hands on his chest, though his words were kind to hear…she had to face the reality of her choice, “Don’t thank me yet…” her hand gripped tightly onto his jacket, afraid to let go. Because once she did…it would be a terrifying two days of wondering and waiting to see if Rick would find her out, “I still have to make it back first.”

 

“Then _fight,_ doll.” His eyes wandered down to her lips, “with everything you’ve got.”

 

She had to leave it at that, if she didn’t go now…she’d never leave. Negan pulled her lips hard against his, causing warmth to pool in her stomach along with a tingling feeling that make her chest ache. Her moan vibrated against his lips as he pulled away, “Now—get in the damn truck.”

 

_Sending you off with horny feelings, what a nice present!_

_Asshole…_

“Yes, Negan.” She climbed in beside Dwight.

 

“Remember baby doll, two days and then you’re outta there. Just make it back in one piece. Dwighty boy will meet you again at the rendezvous point and it’ll be at night so, don’t waste time.”

 

“Okay,” she nodded her head and reached down to touch his face. A god awful feeling was forming in the pit of her stomach, “Be safe.”

 

He winked and kissed the palm of her hand, “Sure as shit will be, doll.” The sound of the truck starting took some of her attention from her thoughts. But she smiled at him as Dwight drove away and through the gates. Her eyes staring at the rearview mirror, till Negan was no longer in sight.

“Sure this’ll work?”

 

“You fucking doubting me, Dwight?”

 

He started down at the road ahead of him, trying to find the right words to say, even though they wouldn’t be. “No I’m not. But you better not fuck this up.”

A small laugh sounded from her, “well, Dwight… if that happens the only one not making it back is me. So trying to toughen me up with that kind of talk, means dick all.” It was true. It’s not like she’d sell out Negan to save her own skin and she’s the only one that’s going to be there, “now how about “good luck”? Or something more inspiring?”

Dwight kept his eyes straight, her words had bothered him on some level, “just fucking make it back. Negan is riding on that fact.”

 

_Disappointment is a hard thing, Dwight._

“I don’t want to die, Dwight. Might be a hard thing to understand. But I don’t. If I don’t do this though…who knows what we might lose.”

 

He didn’t say anything after that as they finally reached the drop off. The truck stopped off to the side, as she checked for walkers and then grabbed onto her backpack and threw it onto her shoulder. As she went to hop out of the truck, Dwight handed over a hunting knife, “you’ll need this. I know you have a gun. But—“ she looked at the knife, recognizing it, “Simon wanted you to have it.”

 

_Of course he did…_

_Slimey Fuck…_

Her hand reached out and grabbed onto the knife, even though she didn’t want to take it. But she needed it whether she liked it or not. “Yeah…thanks Dwight.” And placed it into her belt.

 

“Two days. Be here around 11pm. There will be a group of us waiting. So don’t waste our fucking time.”

 

“I know, Dwight. Negan already warned me.” She jumped out of the truck and shut the door, “see you soon.” She walked away slowly down the road, the sound of the truck echoed behind her as it drove away. It was just her and the outside world now and mulled over the plan in her head, wondering and trying to figure out if this was the right choice. What would happen if Ricky and them found out?  But the better question would be, what would he do to her if he knew the truth?

 

The walk there took a while, but the sound of nature accompanied her. The birds were chirping and leaves were rustling in the trees and it felt peaceful for a moment. There was nothing there bothering her. No walkers. No Savoirs. Just peace.

 

_You don’t want to betray Rick. I understand that._

_But you already have, Ada._

_All you can do now is keep moving forward._

_Keep moving…_

A smile formed on her face as she saw the gates come into view. There it was, Alexandria. Her feet hit hard against the road as she walked straight forward, quickening her pace. There was a small part of her that was happy to be back, but pushed away those feelings as she neared the gate. There were voices on the other side of the gate as she stood and waited. The gate opened slowly and saw Rick and the others. They must have been planning on heading out. Rick had his back turned talking to the others, but Ada stood there before she spoke up.

_Don’t cry…_

_Don’t you dare cry._

“R-Rick!” Her voice shattered. It felt like it had been forever since she had seen him and since she had been home. All at once her feelings rushed to the surface as she stood there. He turned to face her, almost lost at the fact that she was standing there.

 

“Ada—“ he smiled and ran over to her, his arms wrapping tightly around her, “you made it out. You actually made it back—“ the tears slid down her face, as she hugged him back.

 

_Don’t forget Ada…_

_I know it’s hard. I know you want it to go back to the way it was…_

_But you can’t._

“I’m sorry I didn’t make it back sooner.” She wiped the tears away, but more fell down her cheeks. Even though she knew why she was there…it hurt. It hurt so fucking much. Rick placed his hands on her cheeks, wiping away the tears.

 

“Where’s Lucy?”

 

“I couldn’t get her out…” She closed her eyes for a moment, “she’s safe…for now.” Ada walked over to Michonne and hugged her tightly.

 

“It’s good to see you.”

 

_Oh Michonne…_

_It won’t be after I’m done here…_

Ada pulled away from her and wiped the tears away again, “Glad to see you’re still in one piece.” They looked so happy to see her. But that’s what made it harder for her and she knew she’d be having a little chat with Rick later about what Negan had talked about...She needed to hear it from Rick. To know the truth about what happened and a part of her knew, that Negan hadn’t lied to her.

 

“Just barely...” Ada whispered and brought her attention back to the now, “Where are you heading off too?”

 

“Hilltop. We need all the help we can get fighting them.” He stopped at the car, “do you—want to come? I know you haven’t seen the others in a while.”

 

Even when she went to Hilltop with Simon and them, she didn’t even see Maggie or Sasha...Rick was too trusting. She had only been gone a week.

 

_Says more about you than him..._

 

“Yeah. I’d love to see them.”

 

Rick smiled, “alright. Let’s get going then.”

 

_Well, that was easy..._

Ada smiled and walked over to the car and climbed into the back and stared out the window as they pulled through the gates, driving down the road. She closed her eyes as the chatter between Michonne and Rick died out, leaving her in silence.  

 

_“I’m running out of time, Ada.”_

_“You need to promise me!”_

 

_“_ _Promise me!”_

_"You’re the only person I can trust.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. Trying to break up the sections properly. More to come! <3


	13. Chapter 13

“Ada—“

 

_That sounded like Rick?_

_Is that him?_

_Why does he sound so far away?_

“Ada!”

 

Her eyes flung open, the sight of Rick filled her vision and her cheeks turned red, “O-oh—Sorry—“

 

Rick grabbed onto her hands and pulled her out of the car, “Come on—lots to do.” He smiled as she planted her feet onto the ground. A few others came over to them and Ada’s eyes caught them all. Maggie. Sasha. Rosita. Tara. Daryl...

 

_You need to stop feeling guilty..._

_Or else this is never going to work._

Rick placed his hand on her shoulder, jolting her from her thoughts, “Well—“

 

“Well?” her eyes watched his closely.

 

“Let’s get this over with.”

 

They all walked up to the mansion at the top, “Are you sure Gregory is going to help?” Ada looked over at Rick, “

 

_It doesn’t seem like he wants too..._

_He’d rather deal with humiliation._

_But isn’t that better than being dead?_

“I don’t know, Ada...but we have to try don’t we?”

 

It didn’t help that Gregory’s eye lit up with recognition as he saw her when they all walked into his office. Her eyes went over to his, glaring at him and hoping that he wouldn’t say anything. Not that she wouldn’t be able to justify with an answer. But it wasn’t worth all the hassle. They had welcomed her back in, everything was going good so far...

 

But it seemed Gregory was prepared...to rant and rave, “You people swore, you could take the Saviors out and you failed. So any arrangement we had is now done—null and void. We aren’t trade partners, we aren’t friends and we never met. Hmm? We don’t know each other.“

 

_Arrangement?_

_Oh no...please don’t tell me..._

Ada had to know, “I’m sorry...But what arrangement?”

 

Gregory looked over at her, maybe he didn’t remember her? She could only hope. But it was Maggie that chimed in, “We needed supplies. They had them. We offered to save one of theirs and to take care of Negan and the Saviors... _permanently_.”

 

_Guess you don’t have to talk with Rick anymore._

Her feet felt like cement as she stood there. For a moment she wanted to say something to them. This whole goddamn thing was made worse cause they decided to make such a ridiculous offer? Negan wasn’t in one place. He was EVERYWHERE.

Gregory sat down in his chair and looked over at Rick, “I owe you nothing. In fact, you owe me for taking in the refugees, at great personal risk.”

 

“Oh, you were very brave staying in here,” Jesus spoke up, “while Maggie and Sasha saved this place. Your courage was inspiring.” 

 

“Hey, don’t you work for me? Aren’t we friends?”

 

_Apparently not..._

Rick walked over to him, “Gregory, we already started this.”

 

“ _You_ started it.”

 

“ _We_ did. And we’re gonna win.”

 

The more Ada stood there listening to them banter, the more she wanted to get out of that room to breathe. Her stomach was churning at everything she was hearing and she didn’t want to stay any longer. But in her heart...she knew she had too.

 

“These are killers.”

 

“Is that how you want to live? Under their thumb, killing your people?”

 

_Didn’t you kill like 47 men and women, Rick?_

_Didn’t you kill his people?_

“S-sometimes we don’t get to choose what our life looks like. Sometimes, Ricky, you have to count the blessings you have.”

 

Maggie walked over to Gregory’s desk, “How many people can we spare? How many people here can fight?”

 

“We? I don’t even know how many people we have, Margaret. And does it even matter? I mean...W-w-what are you gonna do? Start a platoon of sorghum farmers? ‘cause that’s what we got. They grow things. They’re not gonna want to fight.”

 

They continued to banter back and forth, with Rick asking, “Would we be better off without the Saviors? Yes or no?”

 

“Yeah. Sure. Okay.”

 

Michonne placed her hand on his desk, “So, what will you do to fix the problem?” 

 

“I didn’t say we had a problem. You did. And what happens outside of my purview, is outside of my purview.”

 

“What the hell, man?” Ada looked over at Daryl, “You’re either with us or you ain’t. You’re sitting over there talking out of both sides of your mouth.”

 

Gregory stood up from his desk, “I—I think I’ve made my position very clear. And I want to thank all of you for not being here today and not having this meeting with me or—or being seen on your way out. In other words, go out the back.”

 

Silence took the room as they made their way out the doors, “Walking ballsack.” Rosita hissed through her teeth.

 

Sasha not following far behind, “Wanna knock that idiot’s teeth out.”

 

Ada didn’t bother to say anything, everyone was fuming. Was going to war really a good idea? They started this whole thing when they raided and killed 47 people... Perhaps Ada was losing whose side she should really be on.

 

_You promised, Ada..._

_Remember it._

Daryl walked over to Rick, “Yeah, well, we don’t need him anyway.”

 

“Yeah, that’s right. ‘Cause we have Maggie and Sasha and Jesus here.”

 

“Yeah and...Enid.” Maggie said as the door opened and Enid walked through.

 

“Hey, um—“

 

“What’s wrong?” Sasha asked.

 

“Nothing. Just—come outside.”

And as they walked outside, there was a group of the residents from Hilltop all standing together,  Maggie walked forward, “What’s going on?”

 

“Hey. So, if you don’t remember, I’m Bertie. And I owe my life to you all, twice over. A bunch of us do. Enid says that you want Gregory to get us to fight the Saviors with you. Is that true?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you think we can win, that we really could beat them? Us?”

 

“I do.”

 

Ada closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. There would be so much more death because they wanted to fight. Now she wished she hadn’t come back to Rick, to do this for Negan. A little part of her admired their strength, their willingness to fight back. Ada had seen firsthand how Negan worked...But she couldn’t help herself. Over the last week had been a challenge. It had been painful. But now everything was going to get worse. There would be more death. More blood.  

 

_Why Rick?_

_Why the fuck—_

A warm hand touched her shoulder, bringing her back to reality, “Ada? We’re gonna head out again. Did you want to stay here or—“

 

“No—“ she shook her head and looked at the others before he eyes caught onto his, “I’ll come with you.” They walked to the car together, but she felt Rick’s hand grab onto her arm.

 

“Ada—“ she stopped and felt her heart drop. Did he know? Maybe she’s been found out? “Is something wrong?”

 

“Why do you think that?”

 

He turned her to face him while Michonne and the others walked to the car, “You seem very out of it. This is a good thing, Ada. People willing to fight.” His grip tightened on her shoulders, “don’t you want to fight?”

 

_Yeah, Rick..._

_Just not for you._

 

“I have been fighting every damn day that I’ve been away from you  and the other. But the thing is, Rick. Those people are also willing to die. And then what’s left?” She looked away from him, “I don’t want to talk about this now. We can talk later.” She had to pull away from him or else she’d give up. Yell at him. Hit him. The tears blurred her eyes and quickly she wiped them away before climbing into the car. “So—where too?”

 

They drove down into what looked like a small town and parked in an empty lot,  “Well this is grand...” she whispered under her breath, feeling a little uneasy, “So, where are we going?” as no one had answered her question when they were in the car.

 

“It’s called “The Kingdom”?” Rick looked over at Jesus.

 

“Yeah,” he looked at both Rick and Ada, “I didn’t name it.”

 

Ada smiled for a moment and now was wondering why the heck they were in an empty lot.

 

“How much farther?”

 

“Well, technically, we’re already here.” Ada looked over at Jesus, “I mean, we’re always here, but here we are—at the Kingdom.”

 

“Wow,” Jesus looked at Ada, “It’s so spacious.” She smirked as he began to talk again.

 

“Well, it’s the outer edge.” Jesus gestures to the buildings.

 

Daryl popped out of the truck, “Hey, what the hell are we waitin’ on?”

 

“Waiting for them.” Jesus pointed as two men on horses made their way over to them. One of the men spoke out, and it was the way that he did, that made Ada cover her mouth, to avoid a fit of giggles.

 

“Who dares to trespass on the sovereign land of the—Oh shit. Jesus is that you?”

 

Ada couldn’t breathe and Rick looked over at her, “You—“

 

“I’m fine—“ she squeaked out, “I just can’t believe this.” And she couldn’t, jeez. But it made her day none the less. Made the imminent betrayal no so bad...for a few minutes.  

 

“Who are all these people, Paul?”

 

“Hi, Richard.” Jesus walked over to them, “Nice to see you.”

 

“It’s good to see you, too.” Ada looked over at Richard. Seemed like a tough man, doesn’t look like he puts up with anyone’s shit.

 

_That includes yours._

_So don’t do anything stupid._

“Your friends, who are they?”

 

Jesus begins to point, “This is Rick Grimes. He’s the leader of a like-minded community. These are some of his people. We would like to request an audience with King Ezekiel.”

 

Richard hopped off his horse and walked over to them and looked over at the car, “Get out of the car.” The doors open as a few more climb out, “You say they’re a...like-minded community. Like—minded how?”

 

“We live, we trade, we fight the dead. Sometimes others.”

 

Silence takes over for a few seconds before Richard said, “Line up.”

 

“Okay, this is a waste of time. Come on. Let’s go.”

 

Ada looked up at Rick, and then back at Richard when he spoke again, “Maybe you’re right. The King is a busy man. And it’s a dangerous world.  We don’t usually allow a pack of strangers to waltz through our door.”

 

“We want to make the world less dangerous and we’re all here to show the King how serious we are about that.”

 

Ada looked at Michonne, “Yeah.” And then back at Richard, “Look, we don’t want to waste your time and we don’t want our time wasted.” Rick looked over at Ada, “But we need to speak to him, Richard. And it would be swell, if that could happen.” She smiled but felt the piercing gaze of Rick on her.

 

Richard nodded his head, “The car stays outside. You gotta hand over your guns.”

 

“We only have three.” Rick said and handed over his, then Carl and then Ada. Though it wouldn’t be a shameful thing if she never saw that gun ever again.

 

“Okay.” He backed away from them, “follow me.” They all began to walk with Richard towards the entrance. Ada moved swiftly up to where Jesus was walking with Richard, wanting to hear what they had to say. She was good at one thing.

 

Being fucking nosey.

 

“Before we go in, you have a brain and a backbone, so I’m talking to you, not Gregory. Whatever you’re trying to start here, another protection pact, a trade, none of it matters if we don’t start dealing with the real problem—The Saviors.”

 

“You know, Richard, I’ve never seen you smile. I think that’s gonna change today.”

 

Negan is a strong man and he can be deadly. But it seemed to Ada that if this alliance were to work. Who knows what the hell would happen to Negan and the Saviors. But she needed more information and would have to be gone by tomorrow night and needed to make this one time count. It wouldn’t matter anyways. She intended to help out Negan, whether it was out of her feelings or that she felt obligated...the battle for Hell was going to happen, whether she liked it or not.

 

They walked through the gates and into a huge community. People were scattered around everywhere. Chatter filled Ada’s senses as she walked through, the others stopped behind her and looked around. But Ada went forward and looked at the the gardens. The smell of soil filled her and it felt like home.

 

_It’s beautiful here..._

_It’s amazing how many people are here._

_How many would probably be willing to fight..._

_Stop that shit, Ada._

Rick looked ahead at Ada as her head turned around in awe. She looked back over at him and smiled. She was happy. This place felt happy even with Negan and their agreement. So what was wrong then? Why does Rick have to go and recruit so many others? Tara turned her attention over to someone that walked over as she went up and hugged him, “Morgan...” Ada whispered as she made her way over to him. A few of the others hugged him before she went over and stood a few feet from him. A smile curved along her lips, “Hey stranger.”

 

He smiled back at her, “It has been a long time. Hasn’t it, Ada?”

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

_Ada walked into the church they had at Alexandria and sat down in one of the row of benches and rested her head on the row front of her as she took a deep breath. It was nice to have silence, not having to worry about danger for once. Her eyes closed taking in the silence, it felt eerie for a moment. But who would be in here that would hurt her? There was only one...and he was long gone from the world._

_“Hello,” she whispered to the empty building, wondering if anyone else was in the church with her, “It’s been a long time since I’ve done this. I’m not even sure you can hear me....I mean how could you? You’re dead right?” her head swam with thoughts as she rested there, “I wanted to let you know that I haven’t forgotten about you. But I don’t know what to do anymore...I made a promise and I haven’t done a very good job at keeping it, have I?” she laughed to herself, “I don’t even know where to begin—“_

_“Well normally, I think people start with their hands clasped in prayer—“_

_She pulled her head up, a bit startled and looked over at the man, holding onto a long wooden stick, “Oh-- I’m not religious...just—talking to an old friend.” she felt embarrassed as she looked around the chapel, “Are you the uh—--oh what’s the word?”_

_“Priest?”_

_“Yeah.” She smiled and felt stupid._

_He walked over to her and motioned down at the empty space beside her. She moved over a little as he sat down beside her, “No. His name is Father Gabriel.”_

_“Oh,” she stuck her hand out, “Sorry, I’m new here. I’m Ada.”_

_“Morgan. You have a daughter, don’t you?”_

_“Yeah, her name is Lucy.”_

_“It’s a nice name.”_

_“Thank you,” She looked up at the stain glass windows and wondered what else to ask him. She didn’t know Morgan all that well. “How come you’re carrying that stick around with you?” and motioned down to it, “I’ve seen you around a few times but...That’s all I see you with.”_

_He smiled for a moment, “I got it from a friend. A long time ago.”_

_“Is your friend still around?” She thought about her question, realizing how silly it must have sounded. Everyone dies right?_

_“He died.”_

_“Was he a good man?”_

_Morgan sat back and stared down at the altar, “He was. He taught me a great deal about...myself.”_

_Ada smiled softly, “That’s always the hardest battle in life. Knowing who you are.” Her eyes went over to the stain glass windows as the color poured through them and onto the floors, “And even in this world, I still don’t know who I am.”_

_“You’re alive and you’re here. That says something.”_

_“You don’t know the half of it, Morgan.” She chuckled for a moment, “Can I tell you something?”_

_“Sure.”_

_Her mind wandered and raced to find the right words. She didn’t know why she was telling him this, perhaps to ease her mind of what had happened, or to justify what she had done, “I killed someone. A long time ago.”_

_He tilted his head, looking confused, “Do you mean before?”_

_“No—“ she shook her head, “I didn’t know him very well. It happened a couple of years ago...I was with a group of people, we were traveling a lot together. This man...I can’t even remember his name now. We he had grown fond of me, but—“ she shook her head, “I wasn’t looking for anything like that. Especially in this world. But he wanted something else. So he took it—“ She looked away from Morgan. Out of everything she felt. It was shame. And on some level had always thought it was her fault._

_“I won’t defend your actions, Ada.” She looked back over at him, “you did what you had to do. And all you can do is learn from it.”_

_“I was so angry. I didn’t know what else to do. There was no one else there to help me. I was alone in the forest. I wanted justice.”_

_“We can’t let anger take away who we are. Doesn’t that make us no different than those outside wishing to harm us?”_

_“I don’t know, Morgan.” She  sighed softly, “It was either him or me...and I chose me.” She stood up from the bench and walked past him to the doors, stopping for a moment, “I would appreciate if you kept this to yourself.”_

_“You have my word.”_

_“Thank you for listening, Morgan.” Ada smiled and opened the doors and left._

The memory was gone in a blink of an eye as shook away the thoughts that invaded her. The thoughts of why she was there and what she had to do. Her arms wrapped around him, “God—it’s good to see you. I was wondering what happened to you.”

 

“I’ve been around. Doing what I have to do.”

 

_Well, we have an understanding there._

_Now don’t we?_

She pulled away from him and turned away, as her smiled disappeared from her face. Morgan was the only other person she told about what had happened with Lucy’s father.

 

“How do you know each other?” Richard looked over at Rick.

 

“We go back to the start.”

 

“Well, the King is ready to see you.” Most of the others except Rick, Daryl stayed out to talk with Morgan. As Ada walked into what used to be a theatre, she looked up on the stage and there, sat a man with long dreadlocks. She walked slowly with the others as a tiger rounded from behind the chair.

 

_This must be the King..._

 

“Jesus!”  Ezekiel’s voice echoed throughout the room, “It pleases me to see you, old friend.”

 

“It pleases him, indeed!”

 

“Jerry—“  he paused, “Tell me, what news do you bring good King Ezekiel? Are these new allies you’ve brought me?”

 

_Well except one..._

“Indeed, they are, Your Majesty.” Jesus stopped and turned to the group of them, “This is...” He stopped seeing the expressions on everyone’s faces. Including Ada’s. “Oh, right. I forgot to mention that—“

 

“Yeah, a tiger.” Ada looked over at Rick. They all begin to make their way down to the front.

 

“This is Rick Grimmes, the leader of Alexandria, and these are some of his people.”

 

“I welcome you all to the Kingdom, good travelers. Now, what brings you to our fair land? Why do you seek an audience with the King?”

 

Rick slowly walked forward, Ada moved over to the side and stood in one of the rows, “Ezekiel—King...Ezekiel. Alexandria, the Hilltop, and the Kingdom—all three of our communities have something in common. We all serve the Saviors. Alexandria already fought them once and we won. We thought we took out the threat, but we didn’t know then what we know now. We only beat one outpost. We’ve been told you have a deal with them, that you know them. Then you know they rule through violence and fear.”

 

There wasn’t a chance for the outpost to surrender. Only a chance to kill and take. So he question in Ada’s mind was...Was Rick any different than Negan?

 

The King looked over at Jesus, he didn’t look overly pleased, “Your Majesty, I only told them of the—“

 

“Our deal with the Saviors is not known among my people—for good cause. We made you a party to that secret when you told us of the Hilltop’s own travails, but we did not expect you to share—“

 

“We can help each other.” Jesus cut him off.

 

“Don’t interrupt the King.”

 

“We brought you into our confidence. Why did you break it?”

 

“Because I want you to hear Rick’s plans.”

 

_Oh really?_

_So do I!_

_Let’s hear ‘em, Rick._

_Before the guilt causes me to do something stupid._

Ezekiel looked over at him, “And what plans have you, Rick Grimes of Alexandria?”

 

“We came to ask the Kingdom, to ask you, to join us in fighting the Saviors, fighting for freedom for all of us.”

 

“What you are asking is very serious.”

 

Michonne walked up behind Rick, “Several of our people—good people—were killed by the Saviors, brutally.”

 

“Who?” Morgan walked into the room.

 

“Abraham. Glenn. Spencer, Olivia. Eugene was taken.” Rosita chimed in. “They took Daryl. He escaped. Every second he’s out here, he’s a target. You gonna say you were right?”

 

“No. I’m...I’m just real sorry they’re gone.”

 

_They didn’t have to be gone Morgan._

_If Rick hadn’t been stupid and made a fatal choice._

_Perhaps everyone would still be alive..._

Most of the chatter between everyone went unnoticed. Ada needed to get out soon, she knew who’s side she was on. The anger she felt for Rick just seemed to grow more and more each moment. He started this...it would only be appropriate if he ended it.

 

“I want to be honest about what we’re asking. My people are strong, but there’s not enough of us. We don’t have guns—not enough, at least. Not a lot of weapons, period.”

 

Richard looked over at Ezekiel and then back at Rick, “We have people. And weapons. If we strike first, together, we can beat them.” He turned to Ezekiel, “Your Majesty, no more waiting for things to get worse beyond what we can handle. We set things right. The time is now.”

 

Silence lingered in the room, nothing but the creaking of floor boards greeted their ears. Ada held tightly onto the seat in front of her. It felt really hot in the room all of a sudden. She didn’t want to be in there anymore, and listening and knowing he’d agree.

 

_More people...more death._

 

“Morgan, what say you?” Ezekiel looked over at him.

 

“Me?”

 

“Speak.”

 

_More people...more death._

“People will die. A lot of people, and not just the Saviors. It...If we can find another way, we have to. Maybe it’s just about Negan—just capturing him, holding him. Maybe...I—“

 

Ada wiped away a tear that threatened to fall. She was always strong, but listening to Morgan talk, on some level he had a point. A lot of people are going to die, and that’s going to include herself. But she’d never let Negan get captured.

 

“The hour grows late.” Ezekiel stood up from his chair, “Rick Grimes of Alexandria...you have given the King much to ponder.”

 

Rick walked forward, “Well, when I was a kid, uh, my mother told me a story. There was a road to a Kingdom, and there was a rock in the road. And people would just avoid it, but horses would break their legs on it and die, wagon wheels would come off. People would lose the goods they’d be coming to sell. That’s what happened to a little girl. The cask of beer her family brewed fell right off. It broke. Dirt soaked it all up, and it was gone.”

“That was her family’s last chance. They were hungry. They didn’t have any money. She just...sat there and cried, but...She wondered why it was still there...for it to hurt someone else. So she dug at that rock in the road with her hands till they bled, used everything she had to pull it out. It took hours. And then...when she was gonna fill it up, she saw something in it. It was a bag of gold.”

 

“Alright.” Jerry smiled.

 

“The King had put that rock in the road because he knew the person who dug it out, who did something, they deserved a reward. They deserved to have their life changed for the good...forever.”

 

The King took in the information, nodding his head before he spoke, “I invite you all to sup with us and stay till the morrow.”

 

“Yeah, we need to get back home.”

 

_I need to get back too, Rick._

_You’ve still got time, Ada._

_Lots of it._

“I shall deliver my decree in the morn.” He banged his cane onto the ground twice before he finally left the room.

 

Later that evening, everyone was shown a place to sleep. The bed was small but when she climbed inside it almost felt like home. She stared up at the ceiling wondering what Negan was doing. With the small amount of time that she had been away, she almost missed having him invade her personal space. She was wondering what was going to happen, how much blood would be shed to stop...Rick. Her fingers laced together as she spoke into the empty room.

 

“It’s me again...This is getting really hard. I’m trying so goddamn hard and it feels like...It’s all for naught. I didn’t realize how much this would hurt. I wish you were here, because you’d know what to do.” She closed her eyes, “I’m scared.”

 

_Don’t worry..._

_It’s not like you’ll ever tell Negan that._


	15. Chapter 15

 “Baby-doll...”

 

She wasn’t sure if she was hearing that right. Her eyes were still closed as a voice echoed in.

 

“Baby-doll...time to wake up—“

 

Ada’s eyes shot open as she looked over to the sight of Negan, he was sat back on the couch.

 

_That can’t be..._

She sat up slowly and looked over at him, his grin just as haunting and melting as ever, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, doll.”

 

“I could have sworn I was with Rick...” she sat up on the bed, “how did I get back here?”

 

He laughed and looked at her, his eyes dark, “Dreaming about other men, are ya? Goddamn, you trying to make me jealous—“

 

She shook her head and got off the bed and sat down beside him, “No—don’t you remember? I left to go and scout out what Rick and the others were up too—“ she stopped looking around the room. How on god’s green earth did she make it back there?

 

Negan’s hand reached out as he grabbed onto her pulled her close, “Must’ve been some dream doll—“ his lips brushed against her teasingly before he pulled away and walked over to his dresser “Now that you’re up. You wanna tell me what the fuck this is?”

 

Her gaze went over to a folded yellow paper and felt her heart drop.

 

_The note..._

 

“Where did you get that--“ she was going to be sick. When did he get his hands on that? Her mind was swimming as she tried to breathe. He walked over and placed it down in front of her.

 

“Better start talking.”

 

“This isn’t real—“ she paused feeling a few tears slide down her face, “no—this can’t be real—“

 

His laugh echoed in her head as he walked over to her and grabbed her roughly, “Oh—it’s real, baby-doll.” He pinned her down onto the couch and shoved himself between her legs.

 

“No!—Negan—“

 

****

“ADA!” the sound of loud knocking erupted her from sleep as she shot up, hurried out of bed and over to the door.

 

“What is it--“ She looked seeing Michonne standing outside her door, “Oh—“

 

“Time to get moving sleepy head.” Ada looked away from her, it was just a dream and for a moment, she wanted to cry. “You okay, Ada?”

 

“Yes—“ she swallowed back, her throat dry, “Sorry, I’ll get my things. Again, I’m sorry—“

 

Michonne watched her closely, “It’s fine. Hopefully we will have an answer from Ezekiel.”

 

“I’ll be out in a few.” Ada smiled and waited for Michonne to turn down the hallway before she shut the door and leaned against it.

 

_It wasn’t real, Ada..._

_Oh thank god..._

_Or in this case, Michonne._

Her hands pressed against her eyes, as she rested there trying to breathe, “don’t cry—“ she whispered to herself, “get through today. You can leave tonight—and be done with this fucking shit—“ she walked over and grabbed onto her things and began to pack.

 

   
  
Ada walked outside and met up with Rick and the others, Daryl looked over at her as she approached them, “Did you even sleep?”

 

“Oh cause you look like a basket of roses,” he smirked at the comment as she placed her stuff down, “Yeah, Daryl—sort of.”  

 

Richard walked over to the lot of them, “Let’s go—The King should have his answer for you.” She followed along as they walked over to him, standing as he watched people practice archery.

 

“This is life here. Every day. But it came at a cost.” He stopped and turned to face them, walking towards them, “And I wanted more of this. I wanted to expand. To create more places like this.” His gaze went over to Rick’s, “Men and women lost their limbs. Children lost their parents because I sent them into the battle against the wasted when I did not need to.”

 

“He’s right, Rick.” She had to say it. There was truth to it.

 

Rick looked at her, seeing the sadness in her eyes before he looked back at Ezekiel, “This is different.”

 

“It isn’t. “

 

“It is. The dead don’t rule us. The world doesn’t look like this outside your walls. People don’t have it as good. Some people don’t have it good at all.”

 

“I have to worry about my people.” Rick turned away, feeling frustrated.

 

“You call yourself a damn king.” Ada looked over at Daryl, “You sure as hell don’t act like one. “

 

Ezekiel walked over to Daryl, “All of this...came at a cost. It was lives, arms, legs.” He point out  before he turned away back towards Rick, “The peace we have with the Saviors is uneasy, but it is peace.” Rick shook his head, “I have to hold on to it. I have to try. Although the Kingdom cannot grant you the aid you desire, The King is sympathetic to your plight. I offer our friend Daryl asylum for as long as he requires it. He will be safe here. The Saviors do not set foot inside out walls.”

 

“How long do you think that’s gonna last?” Ezekiel looked over at Daryl before he turned and walked away from the group. Soon everyone else followed, but Ada stood still for a few moments.

 

“Is there something that troubles you?” She looked up at Ezekiel as he walked over to her, “your companions are leaving, do not wish to go?”

 

“That’s not it.” Her eyes left his for a moment, “see the thing is—I agree with you. You don’t want to sacrifice your people and that’s fine. I get it.” She closed her eyes, “but it’s inevitable.” Her gaze went back up to his, as a few tears slid down her cheeks, “People will die.”

 

He looked down at her with sympathetic eyes, “Do not let such thoughts drown you. Because that is all they will do.” She nodded her head as she pulled away from him and ran down the way, catching up to Rick and the others.

 

Michonne looked over at her, “Didn’t think you were coming—“

 

“Sorry—just felt like I had to say something.” Ada smiled as Richard started talk to Rick.

 

“How many people do we have? To fight? I’ll go with you.”

 

“We don’t even have enough to take on one outpost face-to-face yet.”

 

“So the Kingdom has to get involved, or the Saviors will always be in charge. It isn’t about soldiers. We’re making them stronger. The more food we give them, the more arms, the more everything, everyday any of us give them something, they become harder and harder to beat.”

 

“Alright, open it up. We’re gone.” Daryl said at the front gates. Everyone began to walk through, before Rick stopped to talk to Daryl, Ada stopped and looked behind at the two of them.

 

“You’re not.”

 

“I’m not staying here.”

 

“You have to. It’s the smartest play. You know it is. Try to talk to Ezekiel. Or stare him into submission—whatever it takes.” Daryl looked at him for a few moments, “We’ll be back soon.” Ada walked over and hugged Daryl before leaving.

 

“It’ll be okay.” She had no intention of telling Negan where Daryl was...even though she knew he’d be bugging for that information. The hug lingered too long as she pulled away and headed towards the others.

 

_This isn’t easy._

_Will it get easier?_

_Probably not._

Ada sat in the truck beside Jesus as she stared out ahead of her, Negan’s voice chimed over the radio. She really wanted to leave and was missing his invasion of personal space. And Lucy...how was she doing?

 

**“For anyone out there who loved the obese bastard as much as I did, I just want to say a few words. Fat Joey was not the most badass sonuvabitch, but he was loyal. He had a great sense of humor. In fact, we were just joking about oral sex with Lucille the other day.”**

_Huh, how would that work?_

**“Things will not be the same now that he’s dead. Without Fat Joey, Skinny Joey is just”** Negan sighed, **“Joey. So it’s a goddamn tragedy. So, let’s have a moment of silence.”**

The truck stopped in front of a pile of cars that have been neatly placed in formation. Jesus looked out the window, “someone’s trying to block the way. Gotta be the Saviors.

 

“Look.” Everyone turned their heads as Carl spoke, “I think that’s their base over there.”

 

“Yeah, that’s it. Must be trying to make it hard to get to them.”

 

“We gotta keep going. We’ll move them, and then we’ll move them back. They don’t need to know we were here.”

 

Everyone piled out of the car, Ada had thought about sitting this one out, but in the fear she’d draw attention to herself...she climbed out and walked over. She saw the steel cable that ran along the road, between the two cars, “We all go boom?”

 

“Well that could happen,” Rosita walked along the wire and looked at the amount of explosives attached to it, “this is for a herd of walkers.”

 

“We need those explosives.” Michonne looked to Rick.

 

“Gotta figure out how to disarm it first.”

 

Rosita walked over and bent down to a metal cover before she pulled it off. Tara looked uncomfortable as she back away. “Backing away is not going to do you any good if this thing goes off—“

 

Negan’s voice chimed in on the radio again, **“We got ourselves a red situation. I need a search party. See if Daryl ran home like the dumb animal that he is.”**

Simon’s voice answered back, making Ada’s teeth grit, “ **”On it. Be there in time for lunch. “**

**“Turn that sleep little burg upside down.”**

_Great...Looks like Simon is gonna come for a nice visit..._

_I know you don’t want to see him._

_But you don’t have a choice._

“We gotta go—We gotta get there before them, but we need these...”

 

Ada looked at the lot of them. For a moment she had thought about running off back towards Negan’s. It didn’t seem that far away and she had her weapons. She would be out of clothes though, and her journal was still in Alexandria.

 

_Do you really need it?_

_Be logical here!_

 

“Ada!” she heard Rick’s voice, “keep an eye out.”

 

She nodded her head, “Got it—“ Jesus walked over and handed over the radio. She held onto it and watched at the others went along, untying the explosives. Her hand rested on her hip where her gun was and turned her head out to the road. Her back was to the others as she turned down the volume on the radio. She felt scared, but she was willing to risk it and spoke slowly into it.

 

“Negan—“ there was silence on the other end. Perhaps he had gone?

 

A laugh echoed in, there he was, **“Mmm! How’s my baby doll--“**

Her eyes closed taking in the sound of him, “I can’t talk long—Dwight better be at the rendezvous point tonight. Or so help me god—“ 

 

**“Oho—damn doll, still a fighter. Don’t worry. He will be.”** It went silent for a moment, **“Goddamn, I’ve missed you.”**

His voice was always taunting and inviting, his laugh sending a chill down her spine, “I haven’t been gone long--” She chuckled for a moment and looked up seeing a herd of walkers, “Ah fuck—gotta go—“

 

**“Baby-doll.”**

She cut off the communications and turned the volume back up, “Rick!” She yelled out, “Walkers—“ and ran back over to them.

 

“We need to get the cars back onto the ramp.”

 

“They’ll know we’ve taken their explosives. Does it matter?” Jesus looked at Rick.

 

“We need to keep them on the highway.” They all looked at him, “we may need it—“ Tara, Rosita and Carl hopped in the truck and went over to the bridge to move the cars. While Jesus, Rick, Sasha kept grabbing the explosives. Ada stood as more walkers came down the highway.

 

“Got a problem, Rick—“

 

He looked seeing the herd of walkers, “Okay, Sasha, Jesus, can you get back to the Hilltop on foot?”

 

“Yeah—“

 

“Tell Maggie we’re not giving up. Go!” Jesus and Sasha ran across the road and headed into the forest. Ada had fought a few walkers before, but this, the impending doom that was staggering towards them, was frightening.

 

“RICK!”

 

“Ada!” Michonne called out, “come help me—the sooner the better.”

 

_Well this is a fucking mess._

_You could run and that would be it._

Ada walked over, she was losing her composure, those walkers were really close, “Fuck—I’m not good at this.”

 

“Keep going—“ Michonne said as she left Ada to go and crawl into one of the cars.

 

“Fuck—“ she whispered and grabbed onto another explosive, “It’s okay—it’s okay—“ the growling from the walkers was louder now.

 

“Ada!” Rick yelled out, “Go—“ She held onto the few TNT she had got and backed away before running down the road. Michonne and Rick went and drove the long steel wire through the herd of walkers, cutting most of them down. Ada ran across the road as the truck pushed through the herd and back towards her, Tara stopped the truck as Carl opened the door.

 

“GET IN!”

 

Well she wasn’t going to argue with that, and hurried into the truck as they drove away from the herd. Ada relaxed her head, thousands of thoughts floating through. She would be gone tonight...she’d be able to leave and then she could see Lucy again.

 

They had ditched truck, and walked back to the gates of Alexandria. She walked with Rick and the others through the gates before the sound of a motorcycle caught their attention.

 

“They’re here—“ Ada wasn’t feeling too well, but she would have to play the part. She reached in and handed the radio over to Rick as the swarm of trucks drove into Alexandria and parked. Rick walked over as Ada slowly followed behind.

 

Simon climbed out and walked over to them, “Rick! Hello. And hello, again.” His eyes caught onto Ada’s for a moment.

 

“We thought it’d be longer.”

 

Simon walked over to Rick, “Do you think we’re here for a tribute? Do you?”

 

“Is there another reason?”

 

“There is. We’re here for Daryl.”

 

“Negan took Daryl.”

 

She really wanted to bolt and head back to get her things together. She couldn’t stand Simon, and she didn’t want to see his fucking face or hear his voice.

 

“Oh, but...then your son showed up, Daryl went mssing—might those two things be connected?”

 

“They’re not. We didn’t know he was gone till right now.”

 

Simon grinned, “Then this should be easy.” He turned his attention to everyone else, “now, everyone find a buddy. Gonna have to follow us around. If he’s here, we really need you all to see him die.”

 

She really didn’t want to be around. Not with Simon here and ended up taking refugee in one of the houses, though that didn’t last long with them raiding the places. But after destroying many things, they all left without finding Daryl. Though she didn’t care to watch Simon leave and sat out on one of the porches. Rick came up to her, “We’re heading out—to find Gabriel. You gonna be okay here?”

 

“Yeah. I think I’ve had enough excitement for one day, Rick...” she played with her fingers, trying not to look him in the eye.

 

“Okay, be safe.” He placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly.

 

“I always am.” She smiled and watched as he walked away, before she pulled out her journal and began to write on the paper. It was something for Rick, for when he returned. Half way through her writing, Eric came over to her and sat down. She closed the journal quickly, “Hey. Aaron not with you?”

 

He smirked and laughed softly, “No. He went with Rick and the others to find Gabriel.”

 

“Judging by your tone.” He looked over at her, “Doesn’t seem like you’re too happy about that.”

 

“I guess, I’m afraid. With what Rick is doing, going to war with Negan—“ he stopped feeling like maybe he was saying too much.

 

Ada understood. She never wanted any of this to happen. But now it was too late for everyone. Even her. “I feel the same way, Eric.” She laughed wiping away some tears that fell down her face, “It’s not just the Saviors that’ll die. Might be me, or you or anyone. I don’t know what to do, Eric. Rick doesn’t want to listen to reason. I don’t think he ever will.” She looked away from him, before she felt his hand on her shoulder, giving her some reassurance.

 

_Don’t you dare be nice to me._

_Don’t you fucking dare..._

“It’ll be okay.” He shook his head and stood up before walking away, “You should come have dinner with me tonight. I don’t think Aaron will be back. Canned peaches sound good?”

 

Ada closed her eyes, resting her head down, “Yeah, sounds great.” She sat there in silence watching as he walked away. Her hands reached over and grabbed onto the journal as she continued to write, “Fuck—“ she whispered to herself.

_The quicker you’re outta here, the better._

_Don’t feel bad, Ada._

_Rick honestly had it coming to him._

The sky slowly faded to night, with no sign of Rick or the others. Ada stood guard at the post to give Tobin a break for a while. She knew Negan had said 11 was when Dwight would be at the rendezvous point or was it earlier? None the less, she looked out into the darkness, not even the sound of a walker could be heard. It was just...silent. Ada had her things outside of the gate, ready to grab and go if she needed. For a moment something caught her eye, it looked like a walker, but then she heard someone’s voice.

 

“Ada!”

 

She peeked her head over the edge and looked around, “Dwight?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“What—you’re early—“

 

“Don’t fucking care. Get your shit and let’s go—“

 

Ada looked behind her, seeing no one around, “go ahead, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

 

“Fine.” she watched the light from the end of his cigarette as he walked back down the road. Rick and the others hadn’t returned. Hopefully they wouldn’t or else they’d catch her leaving. The ladder seemed really loud as she climbed down, trying to be discreet and quiet, which wasn’t working out for her. Her feet crunched loudly against the gravel as she opened the gate a little bit and slipped through, before shutting the gate. She walked over to grab her backpack and walked into the darkness. There didn’t seem to be any sign of Dwight or anyone for that matter.  She had thought he was going to say something, to draw her attention.

 

But in the end, it wasn’t Dwight’s voice that called out to her, “Ada.”

 

Her heart dropped in her chest, “Eric.” She turned to face him, there was a few feet between them, “What—what are you doing—here?” she felt the pain and tears well up to the surface.

 

“I saw you leaving.” He looked away from her for a moment, “and I came to ask why.”

 

 “Eric, please—just go home.” She bit her bottom lip, “There’s nothing for you here.”

 

He shook his head, “Why are you leaving.”

 

There was no point in fighting with him, she couldn’t see Dwight, but he was nearby. She didn’t want Eric to die. She couldn’t let that happen, “Negan has Lucy. I have to go back—“

 

“And what’s the _real_ reason?” her voice caught in her throat, but her eyes went up to his.

 

“You and I both know that I can’t be on this side of the war.” She was losing her stance, her voice wavering.

 

“Why?” Was he pleading with her? It didn’t matter, it still hurt like fuck.

 

“Because I made a promise to a friend, a long time ago.” Was she really going to tell Eric her secret? He stood there watching her, as she took a deep breath, “Before all of this—“ she laughed for a moment wiping away her tears, “She had gotten very sick. Cancer, I think it was...Up until her death, she loved him so much. Even though he—“ Eric closed his eyes and looked away from her, “She just wanted to know that he’d be okay, after she was gone. So I promised her. I promised Lucille that I would watch over Negan. That’s why I can’t be here. Why I can’t be on your side, Eric.” Her face scrunched up in pain. Her hands gripping tightly onto the strap of her backpack.

 

“Ada—“

 

“I know he doesn’t remember me and that’s fine. I don’t expect him to. I guess that’s what made this so much easier.” Her one hand wiped along her eyes, before she looked at Eric, “Please go—“ A sob escaped her, “go home. So that when Aaron comes back. You’ll be there. Alive.”

 

The last words that she spoke seemed to have bothered him a bit. He didn’t argue and turned around, leaving her in silence.

 

_Just scream..._

_Just fucking SCREAM!_

The rustling of leaves and steps along the ground caught her attention as she turned, Dwight came out along with quite a few other men. Including Negan. She thought she’d be happy to see him, but not after that. Not when he finally knew the WHOLE fucking truth. Her eyes watched his as he stalked towards her and stopped a few inches away.

 

_This is how you’re gonna die._

_God, he looks so unhappy._

But it seemed like he got closer, his tongue darted out to lick his dry lips, “Well, would you look at us, baby doll...” He bent down near her ear, “you and I, are gonna have long chat when we get back. Do you understand me?”

 

Her breathing was light as she turned to look at him, “Yes, Negan.”

 

“Let’s go boys—“He yelled out. But as Ada went to walk forward, his gloved hand squeezed onto her arm, stopping her. “Actually—“ he turned his head, to Dwight, “leave the truck. You and I, are going for a ride.” He smirked and suddenly she didn’t feel so well.


End file.
